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https://github.com/bensheldon/communications-patterns

A pattern library of communications and emotional intelligence tactics.
https://github.com/bensheldon/communications-patterns

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A pattern library of communications and emotional intelligence tactics.

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# communications-patterns



A pattern library of communications and emotional intelligence tactics. Inspired by daydreaming how inter-office relationships would be different if my management chain had done Model UN in their adolescence.



## Patterns



### "What differentiates a good day from a bad day for you?"



This is one of the management discovery questions from "The Phoenix Project" by Gene Kim, Kevin Behr and George Spafford. I like it because of the focus on personal experience. Managers often talk about "removing roadblocks", but rarely do they seem to ask what those roadblocks are in a specific tangible way; this question does that and probably should be repeated on a regular (monthly?) cadence.



### Caucusing / "Socializing"



### "Hello" / "Goodbye"



Via Rhys Newman and Luke Johnson's ["No Dickheads"](https://medium.com/@rhysys/no-dickheads-a-guide-to-building-happy-healthy-and-creative-teams-7e9b049fc57d#.uj22wpio2): 



> I know it sounds a bit crap, but politeness dictates that when you walk into a room that you say “Hello” and when you leave say “Goodbye.” It’s not that complicated. But this common courtesy is as important and plays functional role in a studio.

Because design work is naturally collaborative there needs to be some type of announcement that declares, “Here I am. I am going to contribute.” As someone who leads/listens to a team, I often use the way in which somebody says “Good morning” as a barometer of their mood. It tells me how they are feeling without me having to ask.

>

> Alternatively, it is important that we end the day with “Goodnight, I am leaving.” Practically speaking it is good to know when someone leaves because you don’t know…if they will return the next morning. Seriously though, “Goodnight” is something we tell our children, our domestic partners and our parents. Invoking a ‘goodnight’ upon departure subliminally colors the studio with a similar familial spirit.



### Shake hands before a business trip



Via Rhys Newman and Luke Johnson's ["No Dickheads"](https://medium.com/@rhysys/no-dickheads-a-guide-to-building-happy-healthy-and-creative-teams-7e9b049fc57d#.uj22wpio2): 



> I also think it’s important to shake hands before business trips. I know this sounds weird, but it’s both a powerful and intimate gesture. People going on these trips often take work that represents the entire team; It’s an opportunity to look in one another’s eyes and say, “Godspeed and I hope it goes well.”



## Anti-patterns



### Topping and Tailing



Via [Mark Suster's blog](http://www.bothsidesofthetable.com/2016/01/01/some-thoughts-on-leadership/):



> Most leaders I know are talkers. At board meetings, at management meetings in conferences – they like to hear themselves speak and believe that the way they word things is better than what was said by their team members. This is something I try to coach against. I call it “topping and tailing” as in always finishing off what a team member says by summarizing or always preambling what they’re about to say by positioning it first.

>

> Let your team members have air time. Let them say what they say. Even if it is different than what you would say. If you don’t like the results then next time spend more time with them preparing but on the actual day give them their air time. The test of a true leader is that he or she understands that a leaders is defined as much by the success of his or her team than on what the leader himself actually says. If you have really smart team members who say and do amazing things your board,  your investors, your market will think infinitely more about you than if you do all the talking.



### Squeeze the puppy



Via [bangtrator on reddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/programming/comments/40aken/are_your_programmers_working_hard_or_are_they_lazy/cyt0a78): 



> Acting like a cattle prod to get things "moving" or to keep people nervous or to get a few extra free hours out of development... Pull in a manager or team lead and then say something that is an accusation which has no evidence. It gets debated shortly and dismissed but now the rumor spreads and development works harder for a short period of time.

>

>  Managers and people in general are more empathetic towards others so its easier to direct the attack towards the "puppy" or indirect target to watch others work harder to see the target not suffer. I have seen it employed on a commonly beloved developer by the group a few times. Then a manager everyone liked. They would just berate them in front of us until we did the extra time to help. 

>

> Once it was just a rumor that our team velocity was consistently low even though that is a bad metric to gauge productivity. Most people say "this vp is stupid for thinking that means anything". I am more like the intended effect is to just get people nervous and that part was effective.



###