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https://github.com/joelparkerhenderson/crucial-conversations

Crucial conversations: lessons from the worldwide bestseller book
https://github.com/joelparkerhenderson/crucial-conversations

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Crucial conversations: lessons from the worldwide bestseller book

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README 

        
# Crucial conversations



Credit: [Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High](https://www.amazon.com/Crucial-Conversations-Talking-Stakes-Second/dp/1469266822)



For a summary of the book: [Wikisummaries: Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High](http://www.wikisummaries.org/wiki/Crucial_Conversations:_Tools_for_Talking_When_Stakes_are_High)



For an introduction to the concepts: [Interested in improving your relationships? Try Nonviolent Communication](https://www.clearerthinking.org/single-post/2019/03/06/Want-to-improve-your-relationships-Try-Nonviolent-Communication-1)



This page is a refresher of reading the Crucial Conversations book and course.



Contents:



* [1. Get unstuck by using CPR](#1-get-unstuck-by-using-cpr)

* [2. Start with heart](#2-start-with-heart)

* [3. Master my stories](#3-master-my-stories)

* [4. STATE my path](#4-state-my-path)

* [5. Learn to look](#5-learn-to-look)

* [6. Make it safe](#6-make-it-safe)

* [7. Create mutual purpose via CRIB](#7-create-mutual-purpose-via-crib)

* [8. Explore others' paths via AMPP](#8-explore-others-paths-via-ampp)

* [9. Move to action via WWWF](#9-move-to-action-via-wwwf)



## 1. Get unstuck by using CPR



Get unstuck by spotting conversations that are keeping me from what I want, then unbundling them by talking about the "CPR" abbreviation.



* Content: the current single instance of a problem



* Pattern: any pattern of behavior over time



* Relationship: how the problem is affecting my relationship with the other person



## 2. Start with heart



Start with heart to keep my focus on what I really want.



* What am I behaving like I want?



* What results do I really want, for myself, for others, for the relationship, for the organization?



* How would I behave if I really did?



## 3. Master my stories



Master my stories -- even when I'm angry, scared, or hurt -- by separating facts from stories.



Skill: Tell the rest of the story by asking three questions.



* What am I pretending not to notice about my role in the problem? Watch out for any "victim" story.



* Why would a reasonable, rational, decent person do this? Watch out for any "villian" story.



* What should I do right now to move toward what I really want? Watch out for any "helpless" story.



## 4. STATE my path



STATE my path by speaking persuasively, not abrasively.



* Share my facts.



* Tell my story.



* Ask for others' paths.



* Talk tentatively.



* Encourage testing.



## 5. Learn to look



Learn to look for when when safety is at risk.



* Look for when a conversation becomes crucial.



* Look for silence and violence in myself and others.



## 6. Make it safe



Make it safe to talk by restoring safety.



* When there is a clear problem, then ensure mutual respect by apologizing, and ensure mutual purpose by stating it or creating it.



* When there is a misunderstanding, use the "Contrast" concept.



## 7. Create mutual purpose via CRIB



Create mutual purpose by using "CRIB" abbreviation.



* Commit to seek mutual purpose.



* Recognize the purpose behind the strategy.



* Invent a mutual purpose, such a a more creative purpose, or higher purpose.



* Brainstorm new strategies.



## 8. Explore others' paths via AMPP



Explore others' paths by using the "AMPP" abbreviation.



* Ask to get things rolling.



* Mirror to confirm feelings.



* Paraphrase to acknowledge the store.



* Prime when I'm not getting anywhere.



## 9. Move to action via WWWF



Move to action by using the "WWWF" abbreviation.



* Who is working on actions?



* What actions are happening?



* When are actions complete?



* Followup planning: how/when will we follow up?