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https://github.com/shlomif/metoo-me-too

#MeToo me too! The collection of "sexual harassment" quotes where we show that sexy women (and men) are competent and respected
https://github.com/shlomif/metoo-me-too

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#MeToo me too! The collection of "sexual harassment" quotes where we show that sexy women (and men) are competent and respected

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README 

        
"#MeToo" Me Too

===============

Shlomi Fish 

:Date: 2019-10-31

:Revision: $Id$



[id="intro"]

Introduction

------------



The main premise of this essay / braindump / humour piece is that there is a

strong correlation between competence and ability (see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/From_each_according_to_his_ability%2c_to_each_according_to_his_needs[Karl Marx's misled quote] ) and between sexiness / attractiveness / "hot"ness. I do

not give a citation because I am an https://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/show.cgi?id=paul-graham-what-ameteur-meant[amateur] philosopher.



This attractiveness may in turn

correspond to human https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fitness_(biology)[biological fitness], which does not fully correlate with the so-called https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_fitness[Physical fitness] .



We are planning to collect as many sexualised and even "sexist" jokes about both females and males from https://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/[our arsenal] to evoke a strong https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Me_Too_movement["#MeToo"] reaction which we will then take to our advantage. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bring_It_On_(film)[Bring It On!]



We will show that these people (or non people) are noble, capable, admired,

and revered, *because* they are so sexually attractive, not despite it.



Actual "Sexual harassment" is hard to prove, common to misinterpret, a tempest in a teacup,

often practiced by women towards men or by otherwise hetereosexual people towards

the same sex, and easy to combat using

https://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/philosophy/putting-cards-on-the-table-2019-2020/[Saladin Style positive psychological warfare]

(that can be summarised by "Be excellent to each other.")



[id="knowing-John-Galt"]

John Galt

---------



.Knowing John Galt

[[quote--knowing-John-Galt]]

[quote, Shlomi Fish, 'Summer Glau Facts']

____

By the time Chuck Norris found out who John Galt is, Summer Glau already had sex with him.

____



*Midrash*: part of the reason why I found it funny is because the ancient Hebrew

verb https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/%D7%99%D7%93%D7%A2[Yada`] had both meanings, as well as a meaning of "to create/conceive something with pleasure" and possibly other meanings of the geek jargon verb http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/H/hack.html["hack"]. Also see https://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/philosophy/putting-cards-on-the-table-2019-2020/#hacking-heroism[hacking and heroism].



== No concented sexual behaviour is unacceptable



=== Introduction



All sexual behaviour is perfectly acceptable and respectful, including:



* *Selling* sexual services for money -

*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prostitution[Prostitution]*.

* Starring in hardcore

*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography[pornographic]* films.

* Being a ``slut'' or a ``bimbo'': having casual sex with more than one

sex partner.

* Being polyamorous - having more than one stable sexual relationship at

the time.

* Having same-sex intercourse -

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuality[homosexuality].



For either a man or a woman.



Whether someone will do all that or less is ultimately up to him or her,

but it shouldn’t make you think less of them.



The necessary conditions for that are:



[arabic]

. That they are done in consent.

. That one is 100% honest about their intentions (don’t lie or play

games or do ``Pick up art'' or whatever).



=== Points



==== Tweet #1



«A woman is a lady even if she is or was a porn actress or a prostitute

. Treat her with respect, be honest to her - be a gentleman» —

https://twitter.com/shlomif/status/478025441983213569



Likewise , with ``A woman is a lady'' → ``A man is a gentleman''.



==== About the August 2014 Celebrity Photo Leak



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ake-e4dIVA8&google_comment_id=z13ssjmrkofzfnrae04cfrrzczisvxa4gc4[Comment

on Dave Days’ ``Shake it Off'' parody]



____

I know Jennifer probably feels very badly about her privacy being

violated now due to

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/August_2014_celebrity_photo_leaks . I

would feel the same if someone published some of my private E-mails,

even if they are not sexualised. Invading one’s privacy is always bad.



That put aside, here’s some forward looking advice:



{empty}1. Sulk a little without feeling bad about feeling bad (see

http://simpsons.wikia.com/wiki/Moaning_Lisa ). If you feel OK about

feeling bad, you’ll already feel better.



{empty}2. Realise that any sexualised activity, including starring in a

porn film (``XXXX…'' to infinity) or selling sexual services for money

(= prostitution), is neither wrong nor ever disrespectful . A woman or a

man who do some of that are still a lady or a gentleman and should be

respected, loved, and trusted (see

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Shlomif/Saladin_Style#Trust_and_Respect

) and are no less of a role model. If any one did all that (including my

close family) I won’t think one iota less of them.



{empty}3. Tell the media that you think that #2 is right, and enjoy the

publicity ( https://duckduckgo.com/?q=all%20publicity%20good%20publicity

- All Publicity is Good Publicity ).



{empty}4. Be proud, stay cool and smashing and awesome, and realise that

there are many people who will love you no matter what.



'''''



Finally, I invite Jennifer (or whoever wishes to come) to attend the

upcoming https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ICon_festival in Tel Aviv in

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sukkot and if she wants, she can contact me

(I have contact info on my home page) and I’ll buy her a drink or a

meal. I know a very good pizza place close to the con’s location, and I

want to see how much pizza she can eat there on my expense. ☺



♥♥♥♥ and XOXO.

____



==== Being a slut



....

  millerti: i don't think that there is a human tendency towards monogamy

   pyon: well, words changed in meaning using social activism,

  quite the contrary, actually

 there is a human tendency towards screwing everything that moves

   Well, I don't think couples own each other's love life or sex life.

   They just share them..

  OnlyForF1: I would not call it a "human tendency".

 animal*

  OnlyForF1: We certainly have animal instincts. But, unlike other

animals, we can put ourselves above them.

  

 We can, only because of societal pressure

  millerti: If there is a monogamy gene, it must be very weak in me.

  pyon: Like I say, you can do what you want.  It doesn’t really

affect me.

           However, I have an opinion based on reasoning, not some ancient dogma.

           Monogamy reduces the spread of STDs.

  Another interesting article:



   OnlyForF1: I think both men and women appreciate intimacy.

  millerti: well, there are good modern tools to prevent the spreading of

STDs without monogamy

   Because you need to spend some time with your S.O.

  I even more strongly suggest monogamy to gay men, because of the

greater ease with which they can share STDs.

  millerti: Far more important than being monogamous is carefully picking

who you fuck with.

  But in any case, condoms are a must.

  pyon: Well, you’re right about that.

   njcomsec: BTW, Miranda Kerr is very hot/cute too and she's married

to Orlando Bloom and mothered his child,

  also, you can test for STDs before you "engage"

 They've separated rindolf

  Think of monogamy as a preventative measure.  It affects the

statistics in a good way.

   OnlyForF1: oh, that sucks.

 She did an interview and she talks about how much sex she has

   OnlyForF1: hope they can get over it.

  rindolf: Why would anyone besides their family and friends even care?

   OnlyForF1: many women would kill to be married to Orlando Bloom.

   pyon: I just know them.

 Many more men would kill to sleep with Kerr.

 I wouldn't kill for a celebrity, but hey, that's just me.

....



Retrospectively I (= rindolf) can say that Kerr’s behaviour is a bold

attempt to dispel the belief that women who have sex with many men

(often referred to as ``sluts'' or ``bimbos'') are not being respectful,

and I now support her separation after learning that

https://plus.google.com/+ShlomiFish/posts/EdHs8tEKYmk[Orland Bloom has

been careless] and got himself badly injured several times which is

indicative of a careless character.



===== Excerpt from ``Buffy: A Few Good Slayers''



____

*Willow:* So, do you think I should get a dog?



*Buffy:* Oh, my friend, Rachel, that software developer chick who moved

here, told me that ever since she bought a dog, she made so many friends

and lots of guys showed interest in her, and she’s been telling me about

her exploits with them endlessly.



*Willow:* So she has become a *slut*? So cool!



*Faith:* Hey! ``Slut'' is such a 90s term. The new name for that is

``polyamorous''!



*Buffy:* Which just rolls off the tongue.

____



==== Facebook Post by Shlomi Fish About Socialising with an ~11 y.o Girl



https://www.facebook.com/shlomi.fish/posts/10152215145266981[Facebook

Post]



____

I went on a trip to England, especially for the Nine Worlds GeekFest

con (but continued later on in the Peak District and in Cambridge) and

want to share various anecdotes for it. Here’s the first one:



On the convention, I saw a young girl (about 10 or 11 y.o) cosplaying as

Hermione from the Harry Potter films. Now, she had dirty blonde hair as

opposed to Emma Watson’s original black brownish hair in the films, but

was still quite similar to Hermione. She visited the con along with her

parents, and brother, and I decided to give them these things:



{empty}1. A blue pallet/blue token for good cosplaying. There was a

competition for it later.



{empty}2. A ten-sided die:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pentagonal_trapezohedron - which I give to

many people as a token of appreciation because for various reasons I

find the 1d10 to be my amulet of power so-to-speak. (I buy such dice on

stock).



{empty}3. My new business card (

http://www.shlomifish.org/Files/files/images/business-card-without-frame.png

) with my contact details.



{empty}4. I also told them about some of my Harry Potter / Emma Watson

fan fiction, such as

http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/Emma-Watson-applying-for-a-software-dev-job/

or http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Muppets-Show-TNI/Harry-Potter.html

and they seemed interested to learn.



{empty}5. Her family and I befriended each other.



{empty}6. I saw that girl again, still wearing the costume, in the last

day of the conference, away from her parents, and she asked me if I Was going

to come next year, and I told her that I hope to go there (and I do).



'''''



Now for something a little less pleasant: when I told some people on

Freenode IRC about it, someone kept insisting that I was a pervert, just

because I’m 1977-born and 37 years old. I didn’t touch that girl, and

even if I were sexually attracted to her, it’s all right to have such

minor feelings as long as you don’t let them go out of hand. You are

allowed to feel anything, including a desire for mayhem and murder -

it’s just acting based on that emotion that may be questionable.



There is no reason why adults close to 40 (mid-life crisis, yeah

baby!!!) and younger children cannot befriend each other, so please

don’t accuse me of being a pervert, just because I am: 1. Young at

heart. 2. Enjoy the company of good, geeky, people of all ages and all

other parameters for their shapes and sizes:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_Fish_Two_Fish_Red_Fish_Blue_Fish .



'''''



A happy (un)?birthday to all!

____



==== ``You feature sexy women and girls in your works. Are you a pervert?''



(From

http://www.shlomifish.org/meta/FAQ/#featuring_sexy_women_and_girls[Shlomi

Fish’s FAQ].)



____

Well, I don’t know about you, but I feel that a man who is attracted to

women displaying sexiness, strength, competence, etc. - however

interpreted - has a healthy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Libido[libido

(or ``sex drive'')] rather than is a pervert, whose sexual preferences

prevent him from functioning.



Furthermore, just because I write about stuff like that, does not mean I

do not have enough self-control, or that I have sex with, sexually

assault, or sexually harass everything that moves.



It is also obvious from my stories, that I do not wish any harm on the

heroes (or often even the villains) of my stories: in general, they do

not get killed, or raped, or even become pregnant without intending to.

While they have some hardships, they end up performing some amazing

achievements of competence, and all that while not having any

supernatural powers.



'''''



Now regarding their *age*: yes, I’m aware that some of them are

underage, and only in high school. But it may seem farfetched, but I

think that underage girls and boys can still be competent, both in their

tangible endeavours, but also in their sexual/romantic orientation. Back

at the time, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Macaulay_Culkin[Macaulay

Culkin], who was the ``alpha male'' of a large part of the 1990s

(despite his youth), raised a few eyebrows, when marrying at the age of

18 shortly after high school graduation. However, I recently heard of a

Jewish couple of a guy and a girl who are 15 now, and as scary as it

sounds, it didn’t seem too horrid of a thought. Some people

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQALLGsn-Fk[learn faster than others].



Just another note about Culkin: some people also criticised him for

possessing Marijuana and for its use, but many young and not-so-young

people I talked with have had a history of Marijuana use, or even

Marijuana addiction, so I do not hold it against him. See my

https://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/politics/drug-legalisation/[The Case for

Drug Legalisation] for why Marijuana, and all other illegal narcotics,

should be made legal globally.

____



== 99 Problems



=== Original



* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/99_Problems[``99 Problems'' by Jay-Z] -

``If you’re having girl problems, I feel bad for you son, I got 99

problems but a bitch ain’t one''. Chorus taken from

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Home_Invasion_%28album%29[a single by

Ice-T].

** https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LloIp0HMJjc[Pop cover by Hugo] - with

a different melody and lyrics.



=== xkcd: Perl Problems



http://xkcd.com/1171/[xkcd: Perl problems]:



____

Two figures stand facing each other. One is wearing sunglasses.



Figure with sunglasses: If you’re havin’ Perl problems I feel bad for

you, son-



Figure with sunglasses: I got 99 problems,



Figure with sunglasses: so I used regular expressions.



Figure with sunglasses: Now I have 100 problems.

____



=== Problem (Ariana Grande song)



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Problem_%28Ariana_Grande_song%29[wikipedia:Problem

(Ariana Grande song)]



* ``Got one less problem without you.''

* ``I’ve got 99 problems but you won’t be one.''

* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kTUwAreg7c[Cover by Tiffany Alvord

and Alex G]

* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_pkqLb3kq0[Cover by Cimorelli]

* https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z9b2HiW_L8[Cover by Pentatonix]



==== The Key of Awesome Parody



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-koXQqD0p5s[Ariana Grande - Problem ft.

Iggy Azalea PARODY! Key Of Awesome #87]



«Well, it’s one less paycheck.»



____

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood,

I’ve got 99 verses, but they ain’t that good.

____



==== Bart Baker Parody



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_qKaiGqALo[Bart Baker Parody]



=== Summerschool at the NSA



* http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/ongoing-text.html#getting_clearance__at_the_guards[Summer

Glau and the two guarding soldiers about problem arithemtics]:



____

SGlau: So? How’s life?



Andrew: It sucks.



Daniel: Yes, it sucks.



SGlau: Ninety-nine problems, eh?



Daniel: And a bitch ain’t one? yes!



Andrew: Actually, I have a hundred problems.



SGlau: Ah, a significant other?



Andrew: Yes, and me being a soldier here makes her really bitchy.



SGlau: Nice, what is her name?



Andrew: Her name is Felicia, Ma’am.



SGlau: Nice name.



Andrew: Yes, nice name.



SGlau: I suppose serving here at the NSA is also one of your problems?



Daniel: Hey, this place is at least ninety of my problems.



Andrew: I wish it was less than that for me too. I was actually happier

in Afghanistan.



.



.



.



SGlau: Yes, you are right. I’m here to kick some serious NSA ass (not in

the physical sense, of course), and make sure you two have ten and nine

problems respectively.



.



.



.



Daniel: Hey! How about one of us escorting you?



Andrew: Yeah, but who?



Daniel: Andrew, how about you this time?



Andrew: Heh — sure! If only to make my girlfriend jealous.



SGlau: And more bitchy!

____



=== Shlomi Fish’s Chuck Norris/etc. facts



* http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/show.cgi?id=shlomif-fact-chuck-86[``Chuck

Norris has 99 problems including a bitch.'']

* http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/show.cgi?id=shlomif-fact-sglau-13[``Chuck

Norris has 99 problems including a bitch. Summer Glau has exactly 98

problems.'']



=== #perl-cats ``In Soviet Russia'' Fortune



http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/show.cgi?id=sharp-perl-cats-cats-in-soviet-russia[``I’ve

got 99 problems but kent\n ain’t one.'']



=== From IRC



____

*rindolf*: Yes, I’m single - I’ve got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one.

____



____

*rindolf*: And yes, I realise that the guy who said that (Jay-Z) now has

a 100th problem (a bitch) and a 101st problem (a child).

____



(See http://beyonce.wikia.com/wiki/Jay_Z[``Jay-Z entry'' from the

Beyoncé wikipedia].)



(*P.S.*: and now he reportedly has even more problems: a reported affair

with his wife’s sister, and a rumored divorce).



(*P.P.S.*: the couple appears to https://beyoncepedia.fandom.com/wiki/Jay-Z[have remained together]. Good for them.)



== Honest pick-up art



=== Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Jazz as a pickup artist:



video::KcD7hvH0Wk8[youtube]



* https://www.reddit.com/r/FreshPrince/comments/d5n1n0/jazz_as_a_pickup_artist/[/r/FreshPrince discussion]



=== DAILY GRADVICE



video::21uXcvD5lPs[youtube]



[quote, Daily Grace]

___

"I want you to sail your dick ship into my lady port"

___



== Beauty and the Geek



[quote, @shlomif, https://twitter.com/shlomif/status/1188008763363606529]

___

Shlomi Fish

@shlomif

1st time I was offered to be in beauty and the geek in Israel I voiced this rebuttal: https://shlomif.livejournal.com/63847.html . I was wrong to criticise reality show contestants - https://shlomifish.org/humour.html#pbride_philosophers but nowadays almost all attractive girls are not only attracted to geeks but are quite geeky (= scientifically or technologically or craft/art wise) themselves.

___



== Life According To Valentine - Fortune



https://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/show.cgi?id=sharp-sharp-programming-life-according-to-valentine



[cols=",",]

|===

|rindolf |In my imagination, my concept at the time of

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarah_Michelle_Gellar[Sarah Michelle Gellar] ,

who was a

relatively wild and polyamorous girl (but still an awesome one) decided

to duplicate herself and then said "I am going to call my new self

'Valentine'". So she gets duplicated and her duplicate then says "So I'm

Valentine, right?"



|njcomsec |does polyamorous mean a slut?



|rindolf |njcomsec: well, not exactly.



|rindolf |njcomsec: thing is - she was very picky about which guys she

got involved with. But if she slept with you once, you don't need to

worry about it happening again.



|pyon |Is it not possible to have a fixed, small but non-singleton set

of romantic partners?



|rindolf |pyon: what does that mean?



|njcomsec |i wouldnt worry about it :)



|njcomsec |in fact i would worry she might NOT want to again



|njcomsec |pyon i believe that is called open relationship



|njcomsec |i am open to this idea



|njcomsec |but so far i cant even find one nice girl who will date me



|njcomsec |so this is the first step



|o0elise0o |i have this problem where if i sleep with someone i usually

dont want to ever again



|njcomsec |thats cute



|pyon |rindolf: A singleton set is a set with exactly one element. A

small, non-singleton set of romantic partners would be, for example,

having two or three romantic partners, but not having sex with arbitrary

people.



|rindolf |Also , Miranda Kerr recently bragged about all the great sex

she's been getting with various willing men after being separated from

her husband (= Orlando Bloom). I say - all the power to her.



|rindolf |pyon: ah.



|rindolf |pyon: well, she had a fixed (But often growin or getting

reduced) set of those.



|pyon |rindolf: Well... if it is often growing or shrinking, it is not

fixed.



|gde33 |o0elise0o: try costumes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJgYxWhDDWc



|rindolf |pyon: ah.



|rindolf |pyon: well, if her lovers had entered a relationship, she

stopped sleeping with them.



|rindolf |pyon: although not permanently.



|pyon |rindolf: Ah!



|rindolf |I imagined a short students' film about Valentine Gellar's

life.



|rindolf |It starts with showing her riding a bus and then there are the

immortal words "I used to be Sarah Michelle Gellar".



|rindolf |And Valentine had a steady boyfriend and also studied for a

Ph.D. Well, she's a professor now.



|rindolf |Anyway, at one point she visits her and Sarah's mother, who

admits that while she knows that Valentine is technically her daughter,

she causes her so few troubles and is so great, that she has a hard time

thinking of her as her daughter - she's more like a younger friend.



|gde33 |rindolf: you are spoiling the whole movie!



|rindolf |gde33: heh, it's not a real film.



|gde33 |you underachiever!



|gde33 |I say, make it so



|rindolf |And then she visits a guy and sees that his room is in

disarray and after she queries him for this he says "Ah, yes, Sarah was

here last night. We had an awesome time." So Valentine says: "She

couldn't have been! She stayed up late at a benefit and went to bed past

1 AM exhausted." . So he thinks for a moment and says: "So it wasn't

her! No biggie."



|KAROLINA |rindolf: are you fluffy?



|rindolf |KAROLINA: no, I'm Fluttershy.



|KAROLINA |rindolf: What is a fluffershy?



|rindolf |And there's also a part where the original SMG and Valentine

recall some memories from their mutual past together.



|KAROLINA |JamesNZ are you fluffy?



|rindolf |KAROLINA: s/ffer/tter/



|KAROLINA |rindolf: i dont understand you



|JamesNZ |KAROLINA: Nope.



|rindolf |KAROLINA: Fluttershy is the sensitive pony in My Little Pony-

http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Fluttershy



|KAROLINA |rindolf: but i like Fluffle betteR!?



|rindolf |KAROLINA: what is fluffle?



|KAROLINA |rindolf: Google Fluffle!



|KAROLINA |and then go to pictures

|===



== Emma Watson - Wandless



image::./images/emma-watson-wandless.svg.webp[Emma Watson doesn't need a wand to kick your ass]



[[sharp-perl-jobs-EmWatson-Saladin-knights-Templar]]

== Jobs, Emma Watson, Saladin & Knights Templar - Fortune



[cols=",",]

|===

|johndoemer |what is the best way to find a nice job doing perl in los

angeles?



|rindolf |johndoemer: jobs.perl.org?



|rindolf |johndoemer: there's also the LA Perl mongers.



|rindolf |johndoemer: and a jobs mailing list.



|johndoemer |I never did a mailing list since in like 95 when I got 500

emails in 1 day from one



|johndoemer |are they safe?



|rindolf |johndoemer: note that I'm trying not to be picky about which

jobs I get -

http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/Emma-Watson-applying-for-a-software-dev-job/

?



|rindolf |johndoemer: what do you mean by "safe"?



|preaction |johndoemer: you can set up filters. also, the pm lists are

usually pretty low-volume



|rindolf |johndoemer: what is the worst thing you suspect will happen?



|johndoemer |I guess I never learned how to use a mailing list



|johndoemer |so I sign up and how do I read it without getting 500

emails a day?



|preaction |look at the archives to see how many e-mails get sent per

day



|johndoemer |I dunno I just gota escape this unix admin job stuff im

doing



|rindolf |johndoemer: put it in a separate folder.



|johndoemer |just the interviews driving me batty



|johndoemer |fuck ansible and chef



|rindolf |What is ansible?



|rindolf |Is it a Ruby thing?



|johndoemer |emma watson is butt



|johndoemer |liek a 3



|johndoemer |short with no boobs



|rindolf |johndoemer: butt?



|johndoemer |crappy hair



|johndoemer |looks liek a dude



|rindolf |johndoemer: :-(.



|johndoemer |zomg some brits think shes hottes twoman in film?



|johndoemer |oh my gods!!



|johndoemer |butt ugly



|johndoemer |fake teeth and a lack of implples doesnt mean your pretty



|johndoemer |caveman brow



|johndoemer |short with no tits or ass



|johndoemer |zomg



|preaction |i'm fairly certain that this is not on-topic for #perl



|Grinnz |lol



|rindolf |johndoemer: maybe you should change your attitude. After I

reached enought enlightenment, I find the vast majority of women

attractive enough.



|johndoemer |holy crap did they make 8 harry potter films?



|rindolf |johndoemer: but preaction is right.



|rindolf |johndoemer: yes.



|preaction |7 books, +1 last split in two



|johndoemer |the first was one of worst movies ever and glorification of

government school elitism over capitalism is gross garbage



|johndoemer |did harry ever even pork her?



|rindolf |johndoemer: pork?



|preaction |i'm not sure how that tracks, but this is still not a #perl

topic



|johndoemer |I thought uk was protestant and all the girls got the pill

at 15 and its was fun fun fun



|johndoemer |fuck



|Grinnz |so anyway



|rindolf |johndoemer: you have a strange jargon.



|johndoemer |anna nicole smith si hot



|johndoemer |vanessa montagne



|johndoemer |sarenna lee



|johndoemer |pamela anderson



|flight18 |wow



|johndoemer |not emma watson



|rindolf |johndoemer: and I hope you don't have this attitude IRL.



|johndoemer |jeesh



|johndoemer |for 20 years



|preaction |i wish he didn't have it here, either



|johndoemer |ok



|rindolf |johndoemer: please stop.



|johndoemer |I will say this



|johndoemer |rover is < than mad max



|johndoemer |bad movie



|johndoemer |ok



|johndoemer |so why is mojo better than dancer?



|rindolf |johndoemer: some people may disagree that it is.



|rindolf |perlbot: mojo



|perlbot |rindolf: Perl



|flight18 |johndoemer, what did you think of her performance in The

Bling Ring?



|rindolf |perlbot: mojolicious



|perlbot |rindolf: No factoid found. Did you mean one of these:

[makealias] [mkalias]



|Grinnz |ol



|Grinnz |that wasn't very helpful perlbot



|johndoemer |http://jobs.perl.org/job/18908 I wonder how they pay for

expert in perl and SQL, 180K?



|rindolf |johndoemer: 180KUSD/year?



|johndoemer |us $



|johndoemer |I mean an expert in perl must make 125k minimum



|johndoemer |add that database wizardrdy



|johndoemer |SQL



|johndoemer |etc



|Grinnz |ahaha



|johndoemer |must bump it up no?



|johndoemer |hell I was making 80/h doing linux



|johndoemer |but this whole chef thing got outa hand



|rindolf |johndoemer: most Perl people know SQL to some extent.



|johndoemer |I think some java idiots decided lets automate away

sysadmins so they wont tell us we are morons



|johndoemer |I know sql



|johndoemer |but what version of "expert" I am I dont know



|rindolf |johndoemer: you may wish to read

http://shlomifishswiki.branchable.com/Saladin_Style/



|johndoemer |has everything got to be javacscript now? I hate javascrpt

websites with hot red passion



|flight18 |After Harry and Ron save her from a mountain troll in the

girls' toilets, she becomes close friends with them and often uses her

quick wit, deft recall, and encyclopaedic knowledge to help them.



|johndoemer |slaad style? like th ebig lizard men from fiend folio?



|rindolf |johndoemer: I use NoScript.



|rindolf |flight18: what?



|rindolf |johndoemer: Saladin style.



|flight18 |Pretty amazing, huh?



|johndoemer |whos that?



|rindolf |johndoemer: Saladin was « Ṣalāḥ ad-Dīn Yūsuf ibn Ayyūb

(Arabic: صلاح الدين يوسف بن أيوب‎; Kurdish: سه‌لاحه‌دین ئه‌یوبی ,

Selahedînê Eyûbî) (1137/1138 – March 4, 1193), better known in the

Western world as Saladin was a Muslim Sultan who liberated most of

Palestine from the rule of the Knights Templar and the Christian

crusaders,»



|johndoemer |paladin? like a holy warrior?



|rindolf |johndoemer: the first true Hacker Monarch/Warrior Monarch.



|Grinnz |sounds like a guy that should have been in assassin's creed 1

:)



|Grinnz |ah, he was



|johndoemer |I want a movie whwereknights templar kill a lot of bad guys



|johndoemer |thats be awesome



|rindolf |Grinnz: heh.



|johndoemer |knights of the round table!



|johndoemer |yeah!



|rindolf |johndoemer: King Arthur predates the knights templar.



|rindolf |johndoemer: there were quite a few films about Saladin.



|Grinnz |johndoemer, except in assassin's creed, the knights templar are

the bad guys ;)



|johndoemer |why bad?



|johndoemer |didnt they guard the galazxy against evil for athousdan

generations?



|johndoemer |using the force?



|rindolf |The Legend of Robin Hood is generally set in the time of

Richard I/Saladin, but the earliest british records predate that.



|rindolf |johndoemer: heh.



|Grinnz |johndoemer, because they want to control the world, etc



|johndoemer |awesome



|johndoemer |same as the brits did briefly eh



|rindolf |Grinnz: well, the Knights Templar started as paranoid,

murderous and violent and mostly mentally ill.



|johndoemer |menatlly ill?



|johndoemer |hah



|johndoemer |smart sounds like to me



|johndoemer |had multinatinoal mob



|johndoemer |i bet they hid lots of hot women in thier holds



|johndoemer |n a[prtied



|johndoemer |sign me up



|Grinnz |do you by chance have any foreign substances in your

bloodstream?



|johndoemer |unix adminning is pissing me off



|rindolf |Grinnz: and after Saladin was throught with them, they were

happy, noble, peaceful mostly sane, and unwilling to fight him.



|johndoemer |nop



|johndoemer |just pissed at bad unix admin job interviews gone bad



|johndoemer |and outa work



|johndoemer |not sure what to do



|preaction |get your skills up-to-date with the new orchestration

technologies?



|flight18 |johndoemer, why are you here?



|johndoemer |for fun



|johndoemer |u?



|johndoemer |I kinda dont believe in cronfig maangemtn orchestraaation



|preaction |this is a Perl support channel. the Perl chat channel is on

irc.perl.org



|johndoemer |I believe in client server computing



|johndoemer |and concurrency at language level, name based virtual hosts



|johndoemer |etc



|Grinnz |there are people who don't believe in name based virtual hosts?



|preaction |how is any of that against configuration management?



|johndoemer |well why have 10 urls on 10 vms mate, if u can have 10 on 2

servers, with name based virtual hosts eh?



|* grettis |has quit (Ping timeout: 245 seconds)



|preaction |i don't like setting up boxes over and over and over again.

i like getting a config right and then copying it to dozens or hundreds

of machines, as i'm sure most admins also like



|preaction |but then, i like the idea of rexify.org, where i can run

adhoc scripts on multiple machines on the command line. from what i saw,

ansible and chef don't allow that

|===



== Doing code



[cols=",",]

|===

|krang |Hey all, what's the best way to call one perl script from

another? I was thinking I'd just use 'system("script.pl");'



|dazjorz |krang: yeah, that, or do "script.pl"



|dazjorz |krang: depends on how seperated you want them to be



|krang |dazjorz: you mean just a line that has "script.pl"; written on

it?



|Khisanth |you need the do as well



|dazjorz |krang: no, exactly this: do "script.pl";



|rindolf |krang: system is usually what you want.



|rindolf |krang: normally require or use are preferable to do



|dazjorz |rindolf: that's for modules, isn't it ?



|rindolf |dazjorz: yes.



|dazjorz |wait, I think require "script.pl" would work too



|rindolf |dazjorz: and doing code is not such a good idea.



|dazjorz |rindolf: hmm?



|krang |rindolf: what is doing anyway?



|rindolf |dazjorz: I mean "perldoc -f do"-ing code.



|rindolf |krang: do()-ing



|rindolf |krang: it reads the file and evaluates it.



|rindolf |krang: perldoc -f do.



|dazjorz |rindolf: ah



|dazjorz |rindolf: do \{}



|* rindolf |would rather be doing hot models than doing code. :-)



|dazjorz |rindolf: yeah, do BLOCK is quite useless



|dazjorz |heh



|rindolf |dazjorz: you can do my $var = do \{ ... }



|* dazjorz |would rather be doing GumbyBRAIN than doing code



|GumbyBRAIN |and doing code is not be in the days of immortality!



|rindolf |dazjorz: or eval \{ ... }



|rindolf |dazjorz: heh.



|rindolf |It's hard to do code.



|dazjorz |do $model;



|dazjorz |eh.. sorry, do $hotmodel;



|rindolf |"Are you into my brother?"



|rindolf |"No I'm totally into Perl."



|krang |ah ok, I see. Thanks guys!



|rindolf |krang: yw.



|dazjorz |heh :-)



|rindolf |If you want a configuration file, you should be using

something like INI, YAML, etc.



|rindolf |XML perhaps.



|rindolf |Something.



|rindolf |Apache-like config.



|dazjorz |Apache-like is very strong but hard to parse, right ?



|dazjorz |Loading and saving configuration never looks good, especially

when it's XML



|dazjorz |the code to load and save is ugly.

|===



== I have to do TWAIN… - Fortune



*A:* I’m busy right now - I have to do TWAIN.



*B:* Do Shania Twain?



*C:* Oh, I’d love to do Shania Twain.



== So, who the hell is Qoheleth?



[[scene-the_celts_trip_to_damascus]]

[[the_celts_trip_to_damascus]]

=== The Celts Trip to Damascus



[[scene-celts_trip__rape]]

[[celts_trip__rape]]

==== The Rape



*Josephus:* Anyway, can you share some details about your trip? I never

ventured a long way past Damascus.



*Athena:* Sure! It was very interesting. Most interesting.



*Athena:* We travelled with our own people and some Greek merchants, all

the way to Athens, and there we hitchhiked a ride with some

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assyrian_people[Assyrian] merchants, hoping

it will get us closer to Alexandria. There were some guards escorting

us, and at one point they disarmed us and threatened us at sword’s point

to have sex with them or else they'll kill us and take all our

possessions.



*Josephus:* Wow! Rape. So what did you do?



*Athena:* Well, we consulted between ourselves and after a long while of

being really scared, we calmed down a little, and decided that if we are

forced to have sex, we might as well cooperate and try to enjoy it. So

we told them that we’ll do it willingly and they agreed.



*Josephus:* How clever of you! And then what happened.



*Athena:* Well, the three of us and her lover each found their own part

of the woods, and we had sex. Then, after one or two times, the three

men all lost stamina, while we were not completely satisfied and cried

for more!



{empty}[ Josephus laughs. ]



*Alexis:* Yes! Then we heard each other’s cries and we gathered at one

place together still naked with our clothes as cover, and we bitched

about the whole situation - in Greek - and the men stood there ashamed.



*Athena:* Yes! Anyway, we continued as couples throughout the trip and

the men got better in love making as time went by, and they also taught

us a little Aramaic. Then we arrived at the junction - they wanted to go

to Assyria, and we wanted to head more south, and then all the 6 of us

were completely emotional and offered each other to escort them on the

way, so we won’t part, but we eventually cared enough about the others

to let them go on their own way.



*Josephus:* Wow! That sounds like love.



*Athena:* Love! Yes! That’s the word.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eros[Eros] in action.



[[scene-celts_trip__non_seducable_jewish_merchants]]

[[celts_trip__non_seducable_jewish_merchants]]

==== The Non-seducable Jewish Merchants



*Athena:* Anyway, then we hitched a ride with a band of Greek merchants.

The boys there were easy and we all liked each other, so we had a lot of

sex, and we learned even more Aramaic from them.



*Josephus:* Did you fall in love with them too?



*Athena:* This time we didn’t. So after them, we hitchhiked a ride with

some Jewish and Phoenician merchants. Jews and Phoenicians proclaim to

hate each others’ guts but they always band together. Anyway, we wanted

to have sex with the Jewish men but they refused to do so unless we

converted to Judaism and they married us. They kept citing Jehovah and

their faith to him as the reason why.



*Josephus:* So did you give up on them?



*Athena:* Not on your life! We wanted them more! And more badly!



image::./images/Friends-S02E04--Nothing-Sexier.webp[Snapshot from S02E04 of Friends,title="Let me tell you something. As a woman, there is nothing sexier than a man who does not want to have sex."]



*Athena:* The wives of the Jewish men thought they were being unfair to

us, and urged them to have sex with us. So they started a heated debate

about what the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halakha[Jewish tradition]

said about that.



*Josephus:* So these women studied that?



*Athena:* Probably not, but they faked it really well. But the men still

didn’t want to have sex with us, because of Jehovah of course.



[[scene-celts_trip__not_having_sex]]

[[celts_trip__not_having_sex]]

==== Not Having Sex



*Josephus:* Well, just for the record, as much as my variant of Judaism

is unorthodox and avant-garde, and I derive influence from other

ethnicities and cultures, I am still a proud Jew and not going to cast

humiliation on my people by having pre-marital sex with you or with any

other girl.



*Selena:* See! Told you! All Jews are the same. Jehovah, Jehovah,

Jehovah.



*Selena:* Well, just for the record, we’re not going to have sex with

you either.



*Josephus:* Oh.



*Josephus’ Voice:* I actually felt disappointed.



*Athena:* Do you feel disappointed from it?



*Josephus:* Me? No! It’s actually a relief. Well… a little.



*Athena:* OK, just know that it’s nothing personal: we decided against

having sex completely, shortly after hearing your Qoheleth thing.



*Josephus:* Really? But didn’t I say

http://www.sacred-texts.com/bib/poly/ecc011.htm[Young man, be joyful in

your youth] there?



*Athena:* That you did, but something else there made us realise that

sex is not worth the risk of getting pregnant. So we’re going to wait

with it until we return home to our village.



*Josephus:* I see, I said so many things in the scroll that I couldn’t

tell what was right and what was wrong. Good thing I admitted it was

blasphemy and should not be taken seriously.



== She can smoke… - Fortune



=== She can smoke…



[cols=",",]

|===

|rindolf |She's a hot chick.

|rindolf |But she smokes.

|goldfish |She can smoke as long as she's smokin'.

|===



https://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/show.cgi?id=she-can-smoke .



== Excerpt from The One with the Fountainhead - Part 1



*Dominique:* I can summarise my relationship with Howard in one word:

sex. As much as I want it, when I want it, in any way I want it, but

just sex.



*Catherine:* [.inlinedesc]#[While putting her hand on the ground]# I

hate my life!



*Dominique:* [.inlinedesc]#[In a caring tone]# Why, what’s the matter?



*Catherine:* I can summarise my relationship with Peter in three words:

anything but sex.



*Dominique:* Oh! But, trust me, the anything is much better than the

sex.



*Elizabeth:* My problem with Gail is entirely different.



*Catherine:* Really?



*Elizabeth:* We have enough but not too much, and, besides, he’s sweet,

exciting, passionate … and he even lets me date other guys.



*Dominique:* So, what’s the problem?



*Elizabeth:* I don’t know… there just isn’t any tension. I’ll want to

get married - we’ll get married. I’ll want to have a baby - we’ll have a

baby. I’ll want to get a divorce - he’ll give me a million dollars and

divorce me.



— https://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TOneW-the-Fountainhead/TOW_Fountainhead_1.html