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README 

          
# Words of the Day



***Challenge** Write a short story over 2019, serialised into concise,

weekly instalments, where each episode must contain the previous seven

Words of the Day from [Dictionary.com](https://www.dictionary.com).*



Copyright © 2019 Christopher Harrison\

Licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 4.0 International



---



I slurped at my tea during

[elevenses](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/elevenses-2019-01-03/)

in the bleak room. Someone had changed the *R* to an *L* one day; it

gave us cause to smile, until we realised there was one fewer mug.



"There will be no more biscuits!" we were told.



These

[neoteric](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/neoteric-2019-01-02/)

times of austerity and healthy-eating meant one had to

[noodle](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/noodle-2019-01-04/)

their own solution. I brought my own biscuits from home. I dunked one in

my tea, perhaps to

[auspicate](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/auspicate-2019-01-01/)

in my mind's eye for a better tomorrow. Maybe I'd get fired. Maybe the

government would collapse. Maybe I'd get chocolate digestives, next

time. At least they gave us milk; a

[douceur](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/douceur-2019-01-05/)

of a concession to keep us compliant. It was a

[palladium](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/palladium-2019-01-06/)

to them, of course, what with the rumours of unrest percolating from the

quarters that didn't even get hot water.



The topic of idle conversation inevitably depreciated to

*Mismatch Island*, the latest hit reality show to expose the

[labyrinthine](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/labyrinthine-2019-01-08/)

spectrum of human misery. Like an

[iceblink](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/iceblink-2019-01-12/)

signalling unsafe passage to a ship's captain, it had become an allegory

on society for the ruling classes; a tie-breaker to their question,

"Should we just

[terraform](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/terraform-2019-01-11/)

Mars and leave them to it?"



"Did anyone see Misfit Island, last night?" asked Danny, with a

[pawky](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/pawky-2019-01-09/)

grin.



Nobody liked Danny, but he wasn't wrong. In this latest episode, having

[caromed](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/carom-2019-01-13/)

from an earlier defeat in the pickled egg eating contest, Jez, the

leader of the opposition, ultimately lost the people's vote. Each

departure cues the

[impresario](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/impresario-2019-01-10/)'s

welcome to the next islander: an ex-suicide bomber who, for legal

reasons, we'll call *Jack from Essex* (they're all called *Jack from

Essex*).

[Salvific](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/salvific-2019-01-07/),

he joined bouncy castle attendant Sandra, from Bradford. Hashtag

explosive!



"Oi oi!" came the

[phatic](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/phatic-2019-01-14/)

pronouncement, as *Jack from Essex* strode onto set.



This, of late, had become a trigger for me. I swear to God, if I hear it

on the street, I can only

[ratiocinate](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/ratiocinate-2019-01-15/)

that I'll punch its speaker squarely in the face before breaking down

into uncontrollable tears. I digress. After the

[perfunctory](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/perfunctory-2019-01-18/)

introductions were done with, this pair of

[gadabouts](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/gadabout-2019-01-17/)

upped the ante of conversation to the dizzying heights of what could be

generously described as their careers.



"So what do you, like, do?" asked *Jack from Essex*.



"I own my own business," came Sandra's

[altiloquent](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/altiloquent-2019-01-20/)

response.



"Oh wow, that's sick, babe! Doing what?"



"Events and entertainment management, mostly." Sandra's delusion was

palpable. "I've had some really high-end clients: celebrities;

[freegans](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/freegan-2019-01-19/);

Illuminati. You name it!"



"Nice! So you must make a mint?"



Sandra quickly changed the subject, "So what about you?"



"Well, I'm kind of between jobs, at the minute. I quit my last one."



"Why's that?"



"I didn't like the commute."



As was the nature of the show, it would just be a matter of time before

our hapless heroes were meshed together, legs -- and everything

in-between --

[akimbo](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/akimbo-2019-01-16/),

for all to gawk at. It wouldn't last, of course, but who needs love when

you've got ratings?



"I'll tell you what, though: Sandra is proper fit!", Danny interrupted

my soliloquy. Did I mention he's a prick?



"Please proceed to Meeting Room B," echoed a dismembered voice

over the public address system; that same chilling voice with which they

overdub blacked-out sex offenders on the nightly news. My soggy excuse

for a biscuit dropped hopelessly into the gritty remains of my tea.



An all hands meeting could only mean one thing: some

[buzzwig](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/buzzwig-2019-01-24/)

from upstairs was going to give us a pep talk; a futile attempt to

[adrenalise](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/adrenalize-2019-01-23/)

the masses to their particular

[creed](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/creed-2019-01-21/)

of corporate morality and, "Oh, by the way, we're going to milk you for

everything you've got."



Heidi, the presumed-illegitimate daughter to the

[oillionaire](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/oillionaire-2019-01-27/)

family which owned the company,

[sashayed](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/sashay-2019-01-26/)

in to the meeting room with that look of vague contempt, masked by her

fake smile and fake, well, fake everything, which comes so naturally to

our masters.



"Hello, people!" she beamed.



We weren't people to her, of course, just an inconvenience. Still, she

was a tiresome abstraction to us too -- like free market capitalism, or

Thursdays -- so it was at least a balanced relationship. Her salutation

was met with an enthusiasm that only the sweet release of death could

surpass.



"Well, you all seem bright and cheerful!" I couldn't tell if she was

being sarcastic. "Let's warm up this meeting with a little exercise.

Whenever we speak, we must speak in

[lipogram](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/lipogram-2019-01-25/)."



"What the Hell is that?" the new guy interrupted. The more experienced

amongst us looked sheepish and swallowed our tongues. He wouldn't be

here for much longer; we didn't even know his name. Poor bastard.



"A lipogram?" Heidi regained her posture. "Well, it's when you have to

avoid using a specific letter when you talk. It's fun! The idea is that

it forces you to be more deliberate about what you're trying to

communicate."



We all looked nervous. Was this a test? Heidi's gaze turned to me. I

didn't care any more; it was time for some civil disobedience.



"Let's start with you and," she paused to think, "the letter S."



I felt as though I was in a fucked up episode of *Sesame Street*.



"So, as I see it, something--" I was cut short.



"Remember!" Heidi had become visibly

[shirty](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/shirty-2019-01-22/).

"No letter S."



"Sorry! Should we start afresh?" I paused, with the best pensive face I

could muster. "So, as I was saying, some--"



"Sshhh--" Heidi felt every eye in the room focused on her. "You know

what? Forget it!"



Needless to say, any idiot could have

[prognosticated](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/prognosticate-2019-02-02/)

the consequences of my little stunt. I had plausible deniability on my

side, but any perceived slight would have me answering to *The Man*;

that inalienable

[synecdoche](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/synecdoche-2019-01-29/)

of the proletariat, whom count me proudly amongst their number. Sure

enough, I was summoned to an ominously-termed *consultation* with HR the

next morning.



My boss, Jamal, was invited to attend. I liked Jamal: he had

[bootstrapped](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/bootstrap-2019-01-30/)

his way up to his lofty position from a relatively humble background. We

won't go into his origin story -- he isn't *Spiderman* or *Jesus* -- but

my belaboured point is that he knows how to treat people respectfully.

While we waited for the directorate to grace us with their presence, he

engaged me in casual

[gibble-gabble](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/gibble-gabble-2019-01-31/)

to put me at ease.



"So, if you could be any *Pokémon*, which would you choose?"



"I want to say *Slakoth*, but maybe now wouldn't be the best time to

mention that."



Jamal chuckled, "Nice one! I'd go for--"



Our ephemeral banter was interrupted by the arrival of HR, in all its

pomp and self-importance. It was almost pantomimic, as this orangutan of

a woman shifted her great heft into the meeting room, flanked by her

murine lieutenants, scurrying desperately about her in a

not-unprecedented attempt to avoid getting sat on.



"The book."



One of her minions deferentially heaved an enormous binder on to the

table in front of her. It seemed to billow with dust as what I could

only assume to be a thousand years of company policy, scrawled across a

[plexus](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/plexus-2019-01-28/)

of loose leaves and paper-clipped notes, came thumping down. This was

HR's codex: document after document; countless amendments; revocations;

revocations to revocations. The works. I'm only surprised it wasn't

inscribed on to vellum scrolls, illuminated with the blood of peasants.

Of course, she knew it all, in excruciating detail, but it would be

against policy to not consult *the book*.



The

[hygge](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/hygge-2019-02-03/)

invoked earlier by Jamal began to wear off; we were in their world now

and, while he had my back, there wasn't much he could do but nod

thoughtfully. I had made my bed and it was time to grin and bear it. My

mind -- when it wasn't mixing metaphors -- sought an out, but I didn't

know *the book* and only that contained the answers. The

[sirenic](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/sirenic-2019-02-01/)

din of the fire alarm, maybe? That would only delay, even with genuine

fire. What event, what circumstance could bring this to an end?



"Thank you both for attending to discuss the events of yesterday," began

the orangutan. She looked me straight in the eye, "In your own words,

could you please describe what happened?"



Clearly, to them, I was

[inculpated](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/inculpate-2019-02-09/)

with some heinous misdemeanor. Don't get me wrong, I knew what I was

doing with my particular brand of low-key subversion, but the piercing

stare of their prosecution did not seem proportional to what I saw as a

harmless prank. I faltered under their disdain.



"I, erm... I--"



"Allegations have been brought before us -- and corroborated by several

witnesses -- that, at approximately 11:35am yesterday, you had the

[temerity](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/temerity-2019-02-06/)

to verbally undermine and harass your superior, Ms. Heinsacker, in

Meeting Room B."



My mind raced. How were my actions glorified into harassment? Who were

these, presumably coerced, witnesses? What kind of name is *Heidi

Heinsacker*? Alas, I was aghast and had no

[prebuttal](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/prebuttal-2019-02-10/)

to their line of enquiry. Jamal looked reassuringly towards me, while

the HR stenographer scrawled down notes. The scratching of his pen

jarred at my nerves; louder and louder. I was starting to panic.



"Err..."



"These are very serious allegations, which we must investigate fully.

Your very reticence is in and of itself telling." Her

[hoggery](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/hoggery-2019-02-05/)

for blood was alarming. "So I'll ask you again: Could you please

describe the events of yesterday?"



I couldn't find a way out. The

[rigmarole](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/rigmarole-2019-02-04/)

and intensity had become too much to bear. I could no longer calculate

coherent solutions. I don't know what happened: My mind crashed and I

shutdown.



"Potatoes are not fruit. They are insects."



The scratching of the pen stopped. The room became deathly silent as the

mischief of henchmen nervously looked up towards their leader for

direction. She remained unfazed, perhaps with the very slightest hint of

a furrowed brow, and began patiently flicking through the pages of *the

book*.



"When I was a kid, I thought *unbridled success* was a synonym for

*bachelor*," I continued unawares.



Jamal mustered genuine concern through the confusion and extended his

hand towards me, "Are you OK, mate?"



His

[roborant](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/roborant-2019-02-08/)

gesture flipped something in my head. Was the recognition of a friendly

face -- his simple act of kindness -- enough to take the edge off? It

seemed so, as I began to feel calm and the clarity of

[dullsville](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/dullsville-2019-02-07/)

returned. For all HR's faults, I was relieved that their policy called

for his presence. This was probably not their intended purpose, of

outsourcing discipline -- I'm quite sure it will spawn yet another

amendment -- but he made me feel safe.



Meanwhile, the orangutan's leafing through *the book* had become

increasingly agitated. I had my way out. If I can't think of a rule that

will exonerate me, then I simply do something for which there is no

guidance. *The book* is no help when the illusion of professionalism or

the very fabric of the social contract itself breaks down.



"Try not to step on the hands of snakes; their laundry can't feed

itself!"



HR's fearless leader had landed upon something that her look implied

would break the impasse. Her

[syntastry](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/synastry-2019-02-13/)

of arcane policy would surely divine something eventually, so I had to

up my game while the

[milieu](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/milieu-2019-02-17/)

of bewilderment was on my side.



"I'm bringin' sexy back!" I blurted out, half in song.



That

[attractancy](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/attractancy-2019-02-14/)

did the trick and, in the distraction, I caught Jamal's worried eye for

just a second and gave him an innocuous wink. His expression changed

from perplexity to something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

Nonetheless, I feel that he understood that there was no longer any

cause for concern.



What other

[marvy](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/marvy-2019-02-12/)

nonsense could I come up with? The mad things one says when half asleep?

Before I could think, everyone jumped as *the book* was slammed shut.



"It's clear to us that you have lost control of your wits, possibly due

to work-related stress."



That was an interesting conclusion.



"At your line manager's discretion," she turned towards Jamal. "I

recommend he be put on long-term sick immediately, and to follow up

with a medical professional within no more than the next five working

days."



"I agree," Jamal said, almost angrily.



I liked the sound of that. Perhaps I could escape the winter and become

a [snowbird](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/snowbird-2019-02-16/)

for a few months. Soaking up the sunshine amongst the

[amphiscians](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/amphiscians-2019-02-11/)

in my enforced and sanctioned convalescence.



"On the matter at hand," she continued. "This will be decided upon based

on your aforementioned medical assessment."



I wasn't out of the woods yet, it would seem. Plus I would have to keep

up the charade for at least as long as this meeting endured.



"Do you understand?"



"Sausages."



HR rose in unison and filed out of the room with the stoicism of a

machine. The very unit of

[onomastic](https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-of-the-day/onomastic-2019-02-15/)

indifference: their judgement delivered; their work done; all carefully

minuted for posterity. When out of earshot, I sighed in relief.