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https://github.com/wesbos/dad-jokes

dad jokes
https://github.com/wesbos/dad-jokes

cringe dad-jokes dads jokes omg-seriously terrible

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dad jokes

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# Dad style programming jokes



> submit your own, if they make me laugh I'll merge them.



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Unfortunately these jokes only work if you git them.



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**Q:** What can you do if you cannot push your git changes?



**A:** Use the `--force`, Luke



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**Q:** Which body part does a programmer know best?



**A:** ARM



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**Q:** Relationship status?



**A:** I'll leave the relations to the database.



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**Q:** How do you get the code for the bank vault?



**A:** You checkout their branch.



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**Q:** How did the developer announce their engagement?



**A:** They `return`ed `true`!



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**Q:** Why did the security conscious engineer refuse to pay their dinner bill?



**A:** Because they could not verify the checksum.



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**Q:** What do you call a busy waiter?



**A:** A server.



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**Q:** What do you call an idle server?



**A:** A waiter.



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```

[Please Enter New Password]



fortnight



[Error: Password is Two Week]

```



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**Q:** How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?



**A:** Yes.



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I’ve been hearing news about this big boolean.



Huge if true.



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**Q:** What diet did the ghost developer go on?



**A:** Boolean



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**Q:** Why was the developer unhappy at their job?



**A:** They wanted arrays.



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**Q:** Why did 10 get paid less than "10"?



**A:** There was workplace inequality.



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**Q:** Why was the function sad after a successful first call?



**A:** It didn’t get a callback.



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**Q:** Why did the angry function exceed the callstack size?



**A:** It got into an Argument with itself



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**Q:** Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy?



**A:** Inheritance



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**Q:** Why did the developer ground their kid?



**A:** They weren't telling the truthy



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**Q:** What did the array say after it was extended?



**A:** Stop objectifying me.



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**!false**



It's funny 'cause it's true.



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**Q:** Where did the parallel function wash its hands?



**A:** Async



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**Q:** I'm starting a band called HTML Encoder



**A:** Looking to buy a guitar \&



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**Q:** Why did the functions stop calling each other?



**A:** Because they had constant arguments.



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**Q:** What's the second movie about a database engineer called?



**A:** The SQL.



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**Q:** Why doesn't Hollywood make more Big Data movies?



**A:** NoSQL.



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A programmer's significant other tells them, "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."



The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.



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**Q:** What did the spider do on the computer?



**A:** Made a website!



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**Q:** What did the computer do at lunchtime?



**A:** Had a byte!



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**Q:** What does a baby computer call his father?



**A:** Data!



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**Q:** Why did the computer keep sneezing?



**A:** It had a virus!



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**Q:** What is a computer virus?



**A:** A terminal illness!



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I never tell the same joke twice



I have a DRY sense of humor.



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**Q:** Why was the computer freezing?



**A:** It left its Windows open!



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**Q:** Why was there a bug in the computer?



**A:** Because it was looking for a byte to eat?



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**Q:** Why did the computer squeak?



**A:** Because someone stepped on its mouse!



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**Q:** What do you get when you cross a computer and a life guard?



**A:** A screensaver!



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**Q:** Where do all the cool mice live?



**A:** In their mousepads!



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**Q:** What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant?



**A:** Lots of memory!



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Java truly is an OOP language...



As in: OOPs I used Java!



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**Q:** How do programming pirates pass method parameters?



**A:** Varrrrarrrgs.



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**Q:** How do programming shepherds count their flock?



**A:** With lambda functions



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**Q:** What airline do developers prefer when they're in a rush?



**A:** Delta.



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**Q:** How did pirates collaborate before computers ?



**A:** Pier to pier networking.



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**Q:** Why don't bachelors like Git?



**A:** Because they are afraid to commit.



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**Q:** A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks:



**A:** Can I JOIN you?



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**Q:** Where is a slow query's favorite fishing spot?



**A:** The latency.



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**Q:** How does a developer make a cheer?



**A:** ["hip","hip"] // (hip hip array!)



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**Q:** Why was the developer's family upset with them at dinner?



**A:** They forgot to git squash before going home



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**Q:** What did JavaScript call his son?



**A:** JSON!



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**Q:** What did the proud React component say to its child?



**A:** I've got to give you props



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**Q:** What did the server say to his client who was having a bad day?



**A:** Everything's going to be 200



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**Q:** Why did the stoner attend the cryptography conference?



**A:** They heard it would be a Hash Function



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**Q:** Why did the developer go broke?



**A:** Because they used up all their cache



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**Q:** Are computers dangerous?



**A:** Nah, they don't byte. They just nibble a bit.



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**Q:** How did the mafioso kill the Node server?



**A:** Tie await to it and let it async.



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**Q:** You know what the best thing about booleans is?



**A:** Even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.



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**Q:** Why do UPS drivers get nervous when their internet is unstable?



**A:** Because they might lose packets.



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**Q:** Why couldn’t the user update a file on a shared server?



**A:** They didn’t have the write permissions



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**Q:** What do you do when you can't understand your husband's behavior?



**A:** man man



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**Q:** What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?



**A:** A URLogist



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**Q:** How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?



**A:** None. It's a hardware issue



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**Q:** Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?



**A:** Because 31 OCT == 25 DEC



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**Q:** Why do kayakers make bad programmers?



**A:** Because they're afraid of waterfall.



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**Q:** Why do C programmers write their letters in **bold**?



**A:** Because they're **strongly** typed.



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**Q:** What are computers' favorite snacks?



**A:** Microchips, phish sticks, and cookies. But just a few bytes of each.



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**Q:** What do computers love to do at the beach?



**A:** Put on some spam block for protection so they can safely surf the net while catching some .WAVs!



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**Q:** What do you call a computer that sings?



**A:** A-dell.



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**Q:** What's a compiler developer's favorite spice?



**A:** Parsley.



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**Q:** When do front end developers go out to eat?



**A:** On their lunch `
`.



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**Q:** A SQL developer walked into a NoSQL bar.



**A:** They left because they couldn't find a table.



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**Q:** How do you help JS errors?



**A:** You `console` them!



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**Q:** Why don't parents teach their kids about regular expressions?



**A:** Because they don't want them playing with matches



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**Q:** Why was the developer complaining at the hotel reception?



**A:** Because they couldn't find room 404



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**Q:** Why didn't the `
` get invited to the dinner party?



**A:** Because it had no class!



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**Q:** Why aren't cryptocurrency engineers allowed to vote?



**A:** Because they're miners!



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**Q:** Why did the constant break up with the variable?



**A:** Because they changed.



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**Q:** Why did the database administrator leave his wife?



**A:** She had one-to-many relationships.



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Asynchronous JavaScript is amazing.



I Promise you, await and see.



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**Q:** What did the Class say in court when put on trial?



**A:** I strongly object!



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**Q:** Why do Java developers wear glasses?



**A:** Because they don't C#!



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**Q:** What are the three hardest problems in computer science?



**A:** Naming things and off-by-one errors



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**Q:** What did the fruit basket say to the developer?



**A:** I hope you're ready for some pear programming!



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**Q:** How does a sysadmin keep a fire going?



**A:** They rotate the logs.



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I've got a great UDP joke but I'm afraid you wouldn't get it...



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A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code. They refused to comment.



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There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't.



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**Q:** I love you and I only love you. Does that turn you on?



**AND GATE:** No.



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**Q:** Why do all HTML emails get blocked?



**A:** Because they are all ``.



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**Q:** What did the process say after working in an infinite loop all day?



**A:** I need a break.



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**Q:** An Agent died unexpectedly. How was the crime solved?



**A:** By looking at the Stack Trace.



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**Q:** Why did the document store go out of business?



**A:** It had NoSQL.



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**Q:** Why can't SQL and NoSQL Developers date one other?



**A:** Because they don't agree on relationships.



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**Q:** Why is Python like the Soviet Union?



**A:** Because it has no private fields



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**Q:** Where did the API go to eat?



**A:** To the RESTaurant



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**Q:** Why shouldn't you trust Matlab developers?



**A:** Because they're always plotting something.



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**Q:** Why did the developer have to quit smoking?



**A:** Because they couldn't afford to pay the new syntax.



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**Q:** How does a programmer open a jar for their significant other?



**A:** They install Java



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**Q:** What did the psychic say to the developers?



**A:** I see dev people.



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**Q:** Where does the pirate stash all of their digital treasures?



**A:** RAR



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**Q:** What is React's favorite movie genre?



**A:** Suspense



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**Q:** Why couldn't the React component understand the joke?



**A:** Because it didn't get the context.



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**Q:** What did XHR say to AJAX when it thought it was being a Mean Girl?



**A:** Stop trying to make fetch happen!



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**Q:** What was Grace Hopper's favorite car?



**A:** VW Bug



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**Q:** What sits on a pirate's shoulder and calls, "Pieces of seven, Pieces of seven"?



**A:** Parroty error.



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**Q:** What is a pirate's favorite programming language?



**A:** You'd think it was R, but a pirate's first love is Objectively C.



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**Q:** Why did the programmer come home crying?



**A:** His friends were always boolean him.



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**-** Knock Knock!



**-** An async function



**-** Who's there?



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**Q:** What PostgreSQL library should Python developers use for adult-oriented code?



**A:** psycoPG13



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The next time you're using Safari or Firefox and it's running slowly, you can say to yourself, "[I could've had a V8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ld8eAH0MW00)".



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**Q:** What do you call a beverage that is 75% Root Beer, and 75% Ice Cream?



**A:** A Float



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**Q:** What accommodations did the JavaScript developer request at the hotel?



**A:** A room with a Vue.



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**Q:** Where do developers drink?



**A:** The Foo bar



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**Q:** Why was the engineer upset when the bartender served them `1` shot of whiskey?



**A:** Because they thought they ordered a double.



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**Q:** Why do assembly programmers need to know how to swim?



**A:** Because they work below C level.



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**Q:** Who used the internet before it was cool?



**A:** Httpsters



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**Q:** What kind of computer can hold a musical note?



**A:** A Dell.



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**Q:** Why did the web developer always go to the wrong hotel room?



**A:** They were in room 301.



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**Q:** How do you stop a web developer stealing your stuff?



**A:** Write 403 on it.



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**Q:** Why are machine learning models so fit?



**A:** Because they do weight training.



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**Q:** Why did Gargamel shut down the internet?



**A:** Because he didn't want people **SMURFING** the web!



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**Q**: What did the command line die of?



**A**: A Terminal illness.



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**Q**: Did you hear what the clumsy cryptographer did to their password?



**A**: Made a hash of it.



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**Q**: Why are keyboards always working so hard?



**A**: Cause they have two shifts!



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**Q**: What are clouds made of?



**A**: Mostly linux servers.



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**Q**: Why did Tom Selleck never git commit anything?



**A**: Because he thought he mustache his work.



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**Q**: How does Mr. Potato Head (dev edition 0.0.1) remove his mustache?



**A**: git stache pop



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**Q**: Why can't you use 'Soup' as your password?



**A**: Because it isn't `stroganoff`



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**Q**: Why do developers use mechanical keyboards?



**A**: To strongly type their code.



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A new database query walks into a bar.



The server says "Sorry, cache only."



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What's the best tool for automatically ignoring long email threads about tech buzzwords?



"Block-chain"



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**Q**: What is a developer's favorite country song?



**A**: Hello World - by Lady Antebellum



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**Q**: Why was nobody given food at the developer conference?



**A**: It was a serverless function!



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**Q**: Why did the developer cancel their dinner plans?



**A**: They were unable to fulfil peer dependencies



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**Q**: Why did the functional programmer finally move out of their house?



**A**: For(e) closure



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**Q**: Why do cryptographers never have more than 2 kids?



**A**: Because after Alice and Bob, they can't think of any other names



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**Q:** How do JavaScript developers break up?



**A:** They always promise to callback



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**Q:** Why do developers mixup Terminals and Polygraphs?



**A:** Because they both can see a lie (CLI)



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**Q:** Did you hear about the programmer that was scared of IDEs?



**A:** They retreated back into their shell



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**Q:** What do you call optimistic front-end developers?



**A:** Stack half-full developers.



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Chuck Norris can take a screenshot of his blue screen.



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**Q:** Have you heard the one about the Corduroy pillow?



**A:** It's making HEADLINES!



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**Q:** Hey officer! How did the hackers escape?



**A:** No idea. They just ransomware.



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**Q:** Why can’t data engineers become hat makers?



**A:** They can only guarantee two thirds of a CAP!



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**Q:** How did the hippie learn about database transactions?



**A:** By taking ACID



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**Q:** Why is it called the Dark Ages?



**A:** There were a lot of KNIGHTS!



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**Q:** What did the Network Administrator say when they caught a nasty virus?



**A:** It hurts when IP



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**Q:** Which programming language is the shortest?



**A:** HTML. Because it doesn't have a neck between its `` and ``.



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**Q**: What good can come of 2989 witches casting a hex?



**A**: None, it is always 0xBAD



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**Q**: Did you hear about the witch who was off by two when casting a hex?



**A**: They failed to make the target DEAD and made them DEAF instead!



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I went to a street where the houses were numbered 8k, 16k, 32k, 64k, 128k, 256k and 512k.



It was a trip down Memory Lane.



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Lisp programmers don't make prank calls. They make `FUNCALL`s



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**Q**: Why do Front-End Developers eat lunch alone?



**A**: Because, they don't know how to join tables.



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**Q**: What advice do you give to a JS developer who has never played baseball?



**A**: Try catch.



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**Q**: Got any funny DNS jokes?



**A**: Yeah, but it may take 24 hours to get it.



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**Q**: Why were A & B so frustrated?



**A**: Because they couldn’t cd…



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**Q**: Where do programmer dad's store their jokes?



**A**: In a dad-a-base.



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**Q**: Why was the developer MEAN to React?



**A**: Because they preferred Angular.



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**Q**: Why do Websockets make the best therapists?



**A**: They are always listening.



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**Q**: Why did the ALU refuse to add two subnibbles.



**A**: Because it refuses to be seen doing a two-bit operation.



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**Q**: How do you know your baby is going to be a developer when they grow up?



**A**: Their first word is "Hello world!"



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**Q**: What kind of image saved the day?



**A**: The HERO image!



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**Q**: Why do programmers prefer dark mode?



**A**: Because light attracts bugs!



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**Q**: Does this vaccine contain a microchip?



**A**: I don't know for sure, but it must be ARM based.



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**Q**: How do you make a 4D Printer?



**A**: Take a 3D printer and give it some time



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**Q**: Why do astronauts use Linux?



**A**: They can't open Windows in space!



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**Q**: How do front end devs like their brownies?



**A**: GUI



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Some languages can be read by humans, not by machines.



Others can be read by machines but not by humans.



XML solves this problem by being readable to neither.



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**Q**: What do hackers do on a boat?



**A**: Phishing.



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**Q:** What is the most used language in programming?



**A:** Profanity



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**Q:** Why couldn't the HTML list be trusted?



**A:** There were LI's everywhere



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**Q:** To the person who invented zero



**A:** Thank's for nothing



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**Q:** What do you call a bee that lives in America?



**A:** A USB



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**Q:** What did Wonder Woman and Spider-Man name their business?



**A:** Amazon Web Services



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**Q:** What’s a Jedi’s favourite programming language?



**A:** JabbaScript



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**Q:** What do you call a 3.14 meters long snake?



**A:** Python.



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want about to a race conditions hear joke?



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**Q:** What did the .NET developer name their boat?



**A:** Sea Sharp



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**Q:** Why do developers listen to Led Zeppelin when they build APIs?



**A:** To help them RAML on.



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**Q:** What is a Package Managers favorite holiday?



**A:** Dependency Day



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