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https://github.com/wesbos/dad-jokes
dad jokes
https://github.com/wesbos/dad-jokes
cringe dad-jokes dads jokes omg-seriously terrible
Last synced: 13 days ago
JSON representation
dad jokes
- Host: GitHub
- URL: https://github.com/wesbos/dad-jokes
- Owner: wesbos
- Created: 2014-08-18T20:22:03.000Z (over 10 years ago)
- Default Branch: master
- Last Pushed: 2024-06-12T20:58:16.000Z (6 months ago)
- Last Synced: 2024-10-15T19:03:09.456Z (about 2 months ago)
- Topics: cringe, dad-jokes, dads, jokes, omg-seriously, terrible
- Size: 324 KB
- Stars: 2,643
- Watchers: 47
- Forks: 294
- Open Issues: 22
-
Metadata Files:
- Readme: readme.md
Awesome Lists containing this project
- awesomelist - dad-jokes
- fucking-lists - dad-jokes
- collection - dad-jokes
- awesome-list - dad-jokes
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README
# Dad style programming jokes
> submit your own, if they make me laugh I'll merge them.
---
Unfortunately these jokes only work if you git them.
---
**Q:** What can you do if you cannot push your git changes?
**A:** Use the `--force`, Luke
---
**Q:** Which body part does a programmer know best?
**A:** ARM
---
**Q:** Relationship status?
**A:** I'll leave the relations to the database.
---
**Q:** How do you get the code for the bank vault?
**A:** You checkout their branch.
---
**Q:** How did the developer announce their engagement?
**A:** They `return`ed `true`!
---
**Q:** Why did the security conscious engineer refuse to pay their dinner bill?
**A:** Because they could not verify the checksum.
---
**Q:** What do you call a busy waiter?
**A:** A server.
---
**Q:** What do you call an idle server?
**A:** A waiter.
---
```
[Please Enter New Password]fortnight
[Error: Password is Two Week]
```---
**Q:** How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
**A:** Yes.
---
I’ve been hearing news about this big boolean.
Huge if true.
---
**Q:** What diet did the ghost developer go on?
**A:** Boolean
---
**Q:** Why was the developer unhappy at their job?
**A:** They wanted arrays.
---
**Q:** Why did 10 get paid less than "10"?
**A:** There was workplace inequality.
---
**Q:** Why was the function sad after a successful first call?
**A:** It didn’t get a callback.
---
**Q:** Why did the angry function exceed the callstack size?
**A:** It got into an Argument with itself
---
**Q:** Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy?
**A:** Inheritance
---
**Q:** Why did the developer ground their kid?
**A:** They weren't telling the truthy
---
**Q:** What did the array say after it was extended?
**A:** Stop objectifying me.
---
**!false**
It's funny 'cause it's true.
---
**Q:** Where did the parallel function wash its hands?
**A:** Async
---
**Q:** I'm starting a band called HTML Encoder
**A:** Looking to buy a guitar \&
---
**Q:** Why did the functions stop calling each other?
**A:** Because they had constant arguments.
---
**Q:** What's the second movie about a database engineer called?
**A:** The SQL.
---
**Q:** Why doesn't Hollywood make more Big Data movies?
**A:** NoSQL.
---
A programmer's significant other tells them, "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
---
**Q:** What did the spider do on the computer?
**A:** Made a website!
---
**Q:** What did the computer do at lunchtime?
**A:** Had a byte!
---
**Q:** What does a baby computer call his father?
**A:** Data!
---
**Q:** Why did the computer keep sneezing?
**A:** It had a virus!
---
**Q:** What is a computer virus?
**A:** A terminal illness!
---
I never tell the same joke twice
I have a DRY sense of humor.
---
**Q:** Why was the computer freezing?
**A:** It left its Windows open!
---
**Q:** Why was there a bug in the computer?
**A:** Because it was looking for a byte to eat?
---
**Q:** Why did the computer squeak?
**A:** Because someone stepped on its mouse!
---
**Q:** What do you get when you cross a computer and a life guard?
**A:** A screensaver!
---
**Q:** Where do all the cool mice live?
**A:** In their mousepads!
---
**Q:** What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant?
**A:** Lots of memory!
---
Java truly is an OOP language...
As in: OOPs I used Java!
---
**Q:** How do programming pirates pass method parameters?
**A:** Varrrrarrrgs.
---
**Q:** How do programming shepherds count their flock?
**A:** With lambda functions
---
**Q:** What airline do developers prefer when they're in a rush?
**A:** Delta.
---
**Q:** How did pirates collaborate before computers ?
**A:** Pier to pier networking.
---
**Q:** Why don't bachelors like Git?
**A:** Because they are afraid to commit.
---
**Q:** A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks:
**A:** Can I JOIN you?
---
**Q:** Where is a slow query's favorite fishing spot?
**A:** The latency.
---
**Q:** How does a developer make a cheer?
**A:** ["hip","hip"] // (hip hip array!)
---
**Q:** Why was the developer's family upset with them at dinner?
**A:** They forgot to git squash before going home
---
**Q:** What did JavaScript call his son?
**A:** JSON!
---
**Q:** What did the proud React component say to its child?
**A:** I've got to give you props
---
**Q:** What did the server say to his client who was having a bad day?
**A:** Everything's going to be 200
---
**Q:** Why did the stoner attend the cryptography conference?
**A:** They heard it would be a Hash Function
---
**Q:** Why did the developer go broke?
**A:** Because they used up all their cache
---
**Q:** Are computers dangerous?
**A:** Nah, they don't byte. They just nibble a bit.
---
**Q:** How did the mafioso kill the Node server?
**A:** Tie await to it and let it async.
---
**Q:** You know what the best thing about booleans is?
**A:** Even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.
---
**Q:** Why do UPS drivers get nervous when their internet is unstable?
**A:** Because they might lose packets.
---
**Q:** Why couldn’t the user update a file on a shared server?
**A:** They didn’t have the write permissions
---
**Q:** What do you do when you can't understand your husband's behavior?
**A:** man man
---
**Q:** What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?
**A:** A URLogist
---
**Q:** How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?
**A:** None. It's a hardware issue
---
**Q:** Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
**A:** Because 31 OCT == 25 DEC
---
**Q:** Why do kayakers make bad programmers?
**A:** Because they're afraid of waterfall.
---
**Q:** Why do C programmers write their letters in **bold**?
**A:** Because they're **strongly** typed.
---
**Q:** What are computers' favorite snacks?
**A:** Microchips, phish sticks, and cookies. But just a few bytes of each.
---
**Q:** What do computers love to do at the beach?
**A:** Put on some spam block for protection so they can safely surf the net while catching some .WAVs!
---
**Q:** What do you call a computer that sings?
**A:** A-dell.
---
**Q:** What's a compiler developer's favorite spice?
**A:** Parsley.
---
**Q:** When do front end developers go out to eat?
**A:** On their lunch `
`.---
**Q:** A SQL developer walked into a NoSQL bar.
**A:** They left because they couldn't find a table.
---
**Q:** How do you help JS errors?
**A:** You `console` them!
---
**Q:** Why don't parents teach their kids about regular expressions?
**A:** Because they don't want them playing with matches
---
**Q:** Why was the developer complaining at the hotel reception?
**A:** Because they couldn't find room 404
---
**Q:** Why didn't the `
` get invited to the dinner party?**A:** Because it had no class!
---
**Q:** Why aren't cryptocurrency engineers allowed to vote?
**A:** Because they're miners!
---
**Q:** Why did the constant break up with the variable?
**A:** Because they changed.
---
**Q:** Why did the database administrator leave his wife?
**A:** She had one-to-many relationships.
---
Asynchronous JavaScript is amazing.
I Promise you, await and see.
---
**Q:** What did the Class say in court when put on trial?
**A:** I strongly object!
---
**Q:** Why do Java developers wear glasses?
**A:** Because they don't C#!
---
**Q:** What are the three hardest problems in computer science?
**A:** Naming things and off-by-one errors
---
**Q:** What did the fruit basket say to the developer?
**A:** I hope you're ready for some pear programming!
---
**Q:** How does a sysadmin keep a fire going?
**A:** They rotate the logs.
---
I've got a great UDP joke but I'm afraid you wouldn't get it...
---
A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code. They refused to comment.
---
There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't.
---
**Q:** I love you and I only love you. Does that turn you on?
**AND GATE:** No.
---
**Q:** Why do all HTML emails get blocked?
**A:** Because they are all ``.
---
**Q:** What did the process say after working in an infinite loop all day?
**A:** I need a break.
---
**Q:** An Agent died unexpectedly. How was the crime solved?
**A:** By looking at the Stack Trace.
---
**Q:** Why did the document store go out of business?
**A:** It had NoSQL.
---
**Q:** Why can't SQL and NoSQL Developers date one other?
**A:** Because they don't agree on relationships.
---
**Q:** Why is Python like the Soviet Union?
**A:** Because it has no private fields
---
**Q:** Where did the API go to eat?
**A:** To the RESTaurant
---
**Q:** Why shouldn't you trust Matlab developers?
**A:** Because they're always plotting something.
---
**Q:** Why did the developer have to quit smoking?
**A:** Because they couldn't afford to pay the new syntax.
---
**Q:** How does a programmer open a jar for their significant other?
**A:** They install Java
---
**Q:** What did the psychic say to the developers?
**A:** I see dev people.
---
**Q:** Where does the pirate stash all of their digital treasures?
**A:** RAR
---
**Q:** What is React's favorite movie genre?
**A:** Suspense
---
**Q:** Why couldn't the React component understand the joke?
**A:** Because it didn't get the context.
---
**Q:** What did XHR say to AJAX when it thought it was being a Mean Girl?
**A:** Stop trying to make fetch happen!
---
**Q:** What was Grace Hopper's favorite car?
**A:** VW Bug
---
**Q:** What sits on a pirate's shoulder and calls, "Pieces of seven, Pieces of seven"?
**A:** Parroty error.
---
**Q:** What is a pirate's favorite programming language?
**A:** You'd think it was R, but a pirate's first love is Objectively C.
---
**Q:** Why did the programmer come home crying?
**A:** His friends were always boolean him.
---
**-** Knock Knock!
**-** An async function
**-** Who's there?
---
**Q:** What PostgreSQL library should Python developers use for adult-oriented code?
**A:** psycoPG13
---
The next time you're using Safari or Firefox and it's running slowly, you can say to yourself, "[I could've had a V8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ld8eAH0MW00)".
---
**Q:** What do you call a beverage that is 75% Root Beer, and 75% Ice Cream?
**A:** A Float
---
**Q:** What accommodations did the JavaScript developer request at the hotel?
**A:** A room with a Vue.
---
**Q:** Where do developers drink?
**A:** The Foo bar
---
**Q:** Why was the engineer upset when the bartender served them `1` shot of whiskey?
**A:** Because they thought they ordered a double.
---
**Q:** Why do assembly programmers need to know how to swim?
**A:** Because they work below C level.
---
**Q:** Who used the internet before it was cool?
**A:** Httpsters
---
**Q:** What kind of computer can hold a musical note?
**A:** A Dell.
---
**Q:** Why did the web developer always go to the wrong hotel room?
**A:** They were in room 301.
---
**Q:** How do you stop a web developer stealing your stuff?
**A:** Write 403 on it.
---
**Q:** Why are machine learning models so fit?
**A:** Because they do weight training.
---
**Q:** Why did Gargamel shut down the internet?
**A:** Because he didn't want people **SMURFING** the web!
---
**Q**: What did the command line die of?
**A**: A Terminal illness.
---
**Q**: Did you hear what the clumsy cryptographer did to their password?
**A**: Made a hash of it.
---
**Q**: Why are keyboards always working so hard?
**A**: Cause they have two shifts!
---
**Q**: What are clouds made of?
**A**: Mostly linux servers.
---
**Q**: Why did Tom Selleck never git commit anything?
**A**: Because he thought he mustache his work.
---
**Q**: How does Mr. Potato Head (dev edition 0.0.1) remove his mustache?
**A**: git stache pop
---
**Q**: Why can't you use 'Soup' as your password?
**A**: Because it isn't `stroganoff`
---
**Q**: Why do developers use mechanical keyboards?
**A**: To strongly type their code.
---
A new database query walks into a bar.
The server says "Sorry, cache only."
---
What's the best tool for automatically ignoring long email threads about tech buzzwords?
"Block-chain"
---
**Q**: What is a developer's favorite country song?
**A**: Hello World - by Lady Antebellum
---
**Q**: Why was nobody given food at the developer conference?
**A**: It was a serverless function!
---
**Q**: Why did the developer cancel their dinner plans?
**A**: They were unable to fulfil peer dependencies
---
**Q**: Why did the functional programmer finally move out of their house?
**A**: For(e) closure
---
**Q**: Why do cryptographers never have more than 2 kids?
**A**: Because after Alice and Bob, they can't think of any other names
---
**Q:** How do JavaScript developers break up?
**A:** They always promise to callback
---
**Q:** Why do developers mixup Terminals and Polygraphs?
**A:** Because they both can see a lie (CLI)
---
**Q:** Did you hear about the programmer that was scared of IDEs?
**A:** They retreated back into their shell
---
**Q:** What do you call optimistic front-end developers?
**A:** Stack half-full developers.
---
Chuck Norris can take a screenshot of his blue screen.
---
**Q:** Have you heard the one about the Corduroy pillow?
**A:** It's making HEADLINES!
---
**Q:** Hey officer! How did the hackers escape?
**A:** No idea. They just ransomware.
---
**Q:** Why can’t data engineers become hat makers?
**A:** They can only guarantee two thirds of a CAP!
---
**Q:** How did the hippie learn about database transactions?
**A:** By taking ACID
---
**Q:** Why is it called the Dark Ages?
**A:** There were a lot of KNIGHTS!
---
**Q:** What did the Network Administrator say when they caught a nasty virus?
**A:** It hurts when IP
---
**Q:** Which programming language is the shortest?
**A:** HTML. Because it doesn't have a neck between its `` and ``.
---
**Q**: What good can come of 2989 witches casting a hex?
**A**: None, it is always 0xBAD
---
**Q**: Did you hear about the witch who was off by two when casting a hex?
**A**: They failed to make the target DEAD and made them DEAF instead!
---
I went to a street where the houses were numbered 8k, 16k, 32k, 64k, 128k, 256k and 512k.
It was a trip down Memory Lane.
---
Lisp programmers don't make prank calls. They make `FUNCALL`s
---
**Q**: Why do Front-End Developers eat lunch alone?
**A**: Because, they don't know how to join tables.
---
**Q**: What advice do you give to a JS developer who has never played baseball?
**A**: Try catch.
---
**Q**: Got any funny DNS jokes?
**A**: Yeah, but it may take 24 hours to get it.
---
**Q**: Why were A & B so frustrated?
**A**: Because they couldn’t cd…
---
**Q**: Where do programmer dad's store their jokes?
**A**: In a dad-a-base.
---
**Q**: Why was the developer MEAN to React?
**A**: Because they preferred Angular.
---
**Q**: Why do Websockets make the best therapists?
**A**: They are always listening.
---
**Q**: Why did the ALU refuse to add two subnibbles.
**A**: Because it refuses to be seen doing a two-bit operation.
---
**Q**: How do you know your baby is going to be a developer when they grow up?
**A**: Their first word is "Hello world!"
---
**Q**: What kind of image saved the day?
**A**: The HERO image!
---
**Q**: Why do programmers prefer dark mode?
**A**: Because light attracts bugs!
---
**Q**: Does this vaccine contain a microchip?
**A**: I don't know for sure, but it must be ARM based.
---
**Q**: How do you make a 4D Printer?
**A**: Take a 3D printer and give it some time
---
**Q**: Why do astronauts use Linux?
**A**: They can't open Windows in space!
---
**Q**: How do front end devs like their brownies?
**A**: GUI
---
Some languages can be read by humans, not by machines.
Others can be read by machines but not by humans.
XML solves this problem by being readable to neither.
---
**Q**: What do hackers do on a boat?
**A**: Phishing.
---
**Q:** What is the most used language in programming?
**A:** Profanity
---
**Q:** Why couldn't the HTML list be trusted?
**A:** There were LI's everywhere
---
**Q:** To the person who invented zero
**A:** Thank's for nothing
---
**Q:** What do you call a bee that lives in America?
**A:** A USB
---
**Q:** What did Wonder Woman and Spider-Man name their business?
**A:** Amazon Web Services
---
**Q:** What’s a Jedi’s favourite programming language?
**A:** JabbaScript
---
**Q:** What do you call a 3.14 meters long snake?
**A:** Python.
---
want about to a race conditions hear joke?
---
**Q:** What did the .NET developer name their boat?
**A:** Sea Sharp
---
**Q:** Why do developers listen to Led Zeppelin when they build APIs?
**A:** To help them RAML on.
---
**Q:** What is a Package Managers favorite holiday?**A:** Dependency Day
---