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https://github.com/wesbos/dad-jokes

dad jokes
https://github.com/wesbos/dad-jokes

cringe dad-jokes dads jokes omg-seriously terrible

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dad jokes

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# Dad style programming jokes

> submit your own, if they make me laugh I'll merge them.

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Unfortunately these jokes only work if you git them.

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**Q:** What can you do if you cannot push your git changes?

**A:** Use the `--force`, Luke

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**Q:** Which body part does a programmer know best?

**A:** ARM

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**Q:** Relationship status?

**A:** I'll leave the relations to the database.

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**Q:** How do you get the code for the bank vault?

**A:** You checkout their branch.

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**Q:** How did the developer announce their engagement?

**A:** They `return`ed `true`!

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**Q:** Why did the security conscious engineer refuse to pay their dinner bill?

**A:** Because they could not verify the checksum.

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**Q:** What do you call a busy waiter?

**A:** A server.

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**Q:** What do you call an idle server?

**A:** A waiter.

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```
[Please Enter New Password]

fortnight

[Error: Password is Two Week]
```

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**Q:** How many Prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

**A:** Yes.

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I’ve been hearing news about this big boolean.

Huge if true.

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**Q:** What diet did the ghost developer go on?

**A:** Boolean

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**Q:** Why was the developer unhappy at their job?

**A:** They wanted arrays.

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**Q:** Why did 10 get paid less than "10"?

**A:** There was workplace inequality.

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**Q:** Why was the function sad after a successful first call?

**A:** It didn’t get a callback.

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**Q:** Why did the angry function exceed the callstack size?

**A:** It got into an Argument with itself

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**Q:** Whats the object-oriented way to become wealthy?

**A:** Inheritance

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**Q:** Why did the developer ground their kid?

**A:** They weren't telling the truthy

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**Q:** What did the array say after it was extended?

**A:** Stop objectifying me.

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**!false**

It's funny 'cause it's true.

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**Q:** Where did the parallel function wash its hands?

**A:** Async

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**Q:** I'm starting a band called HTML Encoder

**A:** Looking to buy a guitar \&

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**Q:** Why did the functions stop calling each other?

**A:** Because they had constant arguments.

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**Q:** What's the second movie about a database engineer called?

**A:** The SQL.

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**Q:** Why doesn't Hollywood make more Big Data movies?

**A:** NoSQL.

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A programmer's significant other tells them, "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."

The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

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**Q:** What did the spider do on the computer?

**A:** Made a website!

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**Q:** What did the computer do at lunchtime?

**A:** Had a byte!

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**Q:** What does a baby computer call his father?

**A:** Data!

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**Q:** Why did the computer keep sneezing?

**A:** It had a virus!

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**Q:** What is a computer virus?

**A:** A terminal illness!

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I never tell the same joke twice

I have a DRY sense of humor.

---

**Q:** Why was the computer freezing?

**A:** It left its Windows open!

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**Q:** Why was there a bug in the computer?

**A:** Because it was looking for a byte to eat?

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**Q:** Why did the computer squeak?

**A:** Because someone stepped on its mouse!

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**Q:** What do you get when you cross a computer and a life guard?

**A:** A screensaver!

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**Q:** Where do all the cool mice live?

**A:** In their mousepads!

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**Q:** What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant?

**A:** Lots of memory!

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Java truly is an OOP language...

As in: OOPs I used Java!

---

**Q:** How do programming pirates pass method parameters?

**A:** Varrrrarrrgs.

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**Q:** How do programming shepherds count their flock?

**A:** With lambda functions

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**Q:** What airline do developers prefer when they're in a rush?

**A:** Delta.

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**Q:** How did pirates collaborate before computers ?

**A:** Pier to pier networking.

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**Q:** Why don't bachelors like Git?

**A:** Because they are afraid to commit.

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**Q:** A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks:

**A:** Can I JOIN you?

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**Q:** Where is a slow query's favorite fishing spot?

**A:** The latency.

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**Q:** How does a developer make a cheer?

**A:** ["hip","hip"] // (hip hip array!)

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**Q:** Why was the developer's family upset with them at dinner?

**A:** They forgot to git squash before going home

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**Q:** What did JavaScript call his son?

**A:** JSON!

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**Q:** What did the proud React component say to its child?

**A:** I've got to give you props

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**Q:** What did the server say to his client who was having a bad day?

**A:** Everything's going to be 200

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**Q:** Why did the stoner attend the cryptography conference?

**A:** They heard it would be a Hash Function

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**Q:** Why did the developer go broke?

**A:** Because they used up all their cache

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**Q:** Are computers dangerous?

**A:** Nah, they don't byte. They just nibble a bit.

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**Q:** How did the mafioso kill the Node server?

**A:** Tie await to it and let it async.

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**Q:** You know what the best thing about booleans is?

**A:** Even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.

---

**Q:** Why do UPS drivers get nervous when their internet is unstable?

**A:** Because they might lose packets.

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**Q:** Why couldn’t the user update a file on a shared server?

**A:** They didn’t have the write permissions

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**Q:** What do you do when you can't understand your husband's behavior?

**A:** man man

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**Q:** What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?

**A:** A URLogist

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**Q:** How many developers does it take to change a light bulb?

**A:** None. It's a hardware issue

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**Q:** Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

**A:** Because 31 OCT == 25 DEC

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**Q:** Why do kayakers make bad programmers?

**A:** Because they're afraid of waterfall.

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**Q:** Why do C programmers write their letters in **bold**?

**A:** Because they're **strongly** typed.

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**Q:** What are computers' favorite snacks?

**A:** Microchips, phish sticks, and cookies. But just a few bytes of each.

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**Q:** What do computers love to do at the beach?

**A:** Put on some spam block for protection so they can safely surf the net while catching some .WAVs!

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**Q:** What do you call a computer that sings?

**A:** A-dell.

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**Q:** What's a compiler developer's favorite spice?

**A:** Parsley.

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**Q:** When do front end developers go out to eat?

**A:** On their lunch `
`.

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**Q:** A SQL developer walked into a NoSQL bar.

**A:** They left because they couldn't find a table.

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**Q:** How do you help JS errors?

**A:** You `console` them!

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**Q:** Why don't parents teach their kids about regular expressions?

**A:** Because they don't want them playing with matches

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**Q:** Why was the developer complaining at the hotel reception?

**A:** Because they couldn't find room 404

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**Q:** Why didn't the `

` get invited to the dinner party?

**A:** Because it had no class!

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**Q:** Why aren't cryptocurrency engineers allowed to vote?

**A:** Because they're miners!

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**Q:** Why did the constant break up with the variable?

**A:** Because they changed.

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**Q:** Why did the database administrator leave his wife?

**A:** She had one-to-many relationships.

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Asynchronous JavaScript is amazing.

I Promise you, await and see.

---

**Q:** What did the Class say in court when put on trial?

**A:** I strongly object!

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**Q:** Why do Java developers wear glasses?

**A:** Because they don't C#!

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**Q:** What are the three hardest problems in computer science?

**A:** Naming things and off-by-one errors

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**Q:** What did the fruit basket say to the developer?

**A:** I hope you're ready for some pear programming!

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**Q:** How does a sysadmin keep a fire going?

**A:** They rotate the logs.

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I've got a great UDP joke but I'm afraid you wouldn't get it...

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A programmer was arrested for writing unreadable code. They refused to comment.

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There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary and those who don't.

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**Q:** I love you and I only love you. Does that turn you on?

**AND GATE:** No.

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**Q:** Why do all HTML emails get blocked?

**A:** Because they are all ``.

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**Q:** What did the process say after working in an infinite loop all day?

**A:** I need a break.

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**Q:** An Agent died unexpectedly. How was the crime solved?

**A:** By looking at the Stack Trace.

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**Q:** Why did the document store go out of business?

**A:** It had NoSQL.

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**Q:** Why can't SQL and NoSQL Developers date one other?

**A:** Because they don't agree on relationships.

---

**Q:** Why is Python like the Soviet Union?

**A:** Because it has no private fields

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**Q:** Where did the API go to eat?

**A:** To the RESTaurant

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**Q:** Why shouldn't you trust Matlab developers?

**A:** Because they're always plotting something.

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**Q:** Why did the developer have to quit smoking?

**A:** Because they couldn't afford to pay the new syntax.

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**Q:** How does a programmer open a jar for their significant other?

**A:** They install Java

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**Q:** What did the psychic say to the developers?

**A:** I see dev people.

---

**Q:** Where does the pirate stash all of their digital treasures?

**A:** RAR

---

**Q:** What is React's favorite movie genre?

**A:** Suspense

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**Q:** Why couldn't the React component understand the joke?

**A:** Because it didn't get the context.

---

**Q:** What did XHR say to AJAX when it thought it was being a Mean Girl?

**A:** Stop trying to make fetch happen!

---

**Q:** What was Grace Hopper's favorite car?

**A:** VW Bug

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**Q:** What sits on a pirate's shoulder and calls, "Pieces of seven, Pieces of seven"?

**A:** Parroty error.

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**Q:** What is a pirate's favorite programming language?

**A:** You'd think it was R, but a pirate's first love is Objectively C.

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**Q:** Why did the programmer come home crying?

**A:** His friends were always boolean him.

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**-** Knock Knock!

**-** An async function

**-** Who's there?

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**Q:** What PostgreSQL library should Python developers use for adult-oriented code?

**A:** psycoPG13

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The next time you're using Safari or Firefox and it's running slowly, you can say to yourself, "[I could've had a V8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ld8eAH0MW00)".

---

**Q:** What do you call a beverage that is 75% Root Beer, and 75% Ice Cream?

**A:** A Float

---

**Q:** What accommodations did the JavaScript developer request at the hotel?

**A:** A room with a Vue.

---

**Q:** Where do developers drink?

**A:** The Foo bar

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**Q:** Why was the engineer upset when the bartender served them `1` shot of whiskey?

**A:** Because they thought they ordered a double.

---

**Q:** Why do assembly programmers need to know how to swim?

**A:** Because they work below C level.

---

**Q:** Who used the internet before it was cool?

**A:** Httpsters

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**Q:** What kind of computer can hold a musical note?

**A:** A Dell.

---

**Q:** Why did the web developer always go to the wrong hotel room?

**A:** They were in room 301.

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**Q:** How do you stop a web developer stealing your stuff?

**A:** Write 403 on it.

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**Q:** Why are machine learning models so fit?

**A:** Because they do weight training.

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**Q:** Why did Gargamel shut down the internet?

**A:** Because he didn't want people **SMURFING** the web!

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**Q**: What did the command line die of?

**A**: A Terminal illness.

---

**Q**: Did you hear what the clumsy cryptographer did to their password?

**A**: Made a hash of it.

---

**Q**: Why are keyboards always working so hard?

**A**: Cause they have two shifts!

---

**Q**: What are clouds made of?

**A**: Mostly linux servers.

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**Q**: Why did Tom Selleck never git commit anything?

**A**: Because he thought he mustache his work.

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**Q**: How does Mr. Potato Head (dev edition 0.0.1) remove his mustache?

**A**: git stache pop

---

**Q**: Why can't you use 'Soup' as your password?

**A**: Because it isn't `stroganoff`

---

**Q**: Why do developers use mechanical keyboards?

**A**: To strongly type their code.

---

A new database query walks into a bar.

The server says "Sorry, cache only."

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What's the best tool for automatically ignoring long email threads about tech buzzwords?

"Block-chain"

---

**Q**: What is a developer's favorite country song?

**A**: Hello World - by Lady Antebellum

---

**Q**: Why was nobody given food at the developer conference?

**A**: It was a serverless function!

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**Q**: Why did the developer cancel their dinner plans?

**A**: They were unable to fulfil peer dependencies

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**Q**: Why did the functional programmer finally move out of their house?

**A**: For(e) closure

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**Q**: Why do cryptographers never have more than 2 kids?

**A**: Because after Alice and Bob, they can't think of any other names

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**Q:** How do JavaScript developers break up?

**A:** They always promise to callback

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**Q:** Why do developers mixup Terminals and Polygraphs?

**A:** Because they both can see a lie (CLI)

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**Q:** Did you hear about the programmer that was scared of IDEs?

**A:** They retreated back into their shell

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**Q:** What do you call optimistic front-end developers?

**A:** Stack half-full developers.

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Chuck Norris can take a screenshot of his blue screen.

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**Q:** Have you heard the one about the Corduroy pillow?

**A:** It's making HEADLINES!

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**Q:** Hey officer! How did the hackers escape?

**A:** No idea. They just ransomware.

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**Q:** Why can’t data engineers become hat makers?

**A:** They can only guarantee two thirds of a CAP!

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**Q:** How did the hippie learn about database transactions?

**A:** By taking ACID

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**Q:** Why is it called the Dark Ages?

**A:** There were a lot of KNIGHTS!

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**Q:** What did the Network Administrator say when they caught a nasty virus?

**A:** It hurts when IP

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**Q:** Which programming language is the shortest?

**A:** HTML. Because it doesn't have a neck between its `` and ``.

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**Q**: What good can come of 2989 witches casting a hex?

**A**: None, it is always 0xBAD

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**Q**: Did you hear about the witch who was off by two when casting a hex?

**A**: They failed to make the target DEAD and made them DEAF instead!

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I went to a street where the houses were numbered 8k, 16k, 32k, 64k, 128k, 256k and 512k.

It was a trip down Memory Lane.

---

Lisp programmers don't make prank calls. They make `FUNCALL`s

---

**Q**: Why do Front-End Developers eat lunch alone?

**A**: Because, they don't know how to join tables.

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**Q**: What advice do you give to a JS developer who has never played baseball?

**A**: Try catch.

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**Q**: Got any funny DNS jokes?

**A**: Yeah, but it may take 24 hours to get it.

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**Q**: Why were A & B so frustrated?

**A**: Because they couldn’t cd…

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**Q**: Where do programmer dad's store their jokes?

**A**: In a dad-a-base.

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**Q**: Why was the developer MEAN to React?

**A**: Because they preferred Angular.

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**Q**: Why do Websockets make the best therapists?

**A**: They are always listening.

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**Q**: Why did the ALU refuse to add two subnibbles.

**A**: Because it refuses to be seen doing a two-bit operation.

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**Q**: How do you know your baby is going to be a developer when they grow up?

**A**: Their first word is "Hello world!"

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**Q**: What kind of image saved the day?

**A**: The HERO image!

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**Q**: Why do programmers prefer dark mode?

**A**: Because light attracts bugs!

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**Q**: Does this vaccine contain a microchip?

**A**: I don't know for sure, but it must be ARM based.

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**Q**: How do you make a 4D Printer?

**A**: Take a 3D printer and give it some time

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**Q**: Why do astronauts use Linux?

**A**: They can't open Windows in space!

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**Q**: How do front end devs like their brownies?

**A**: GUI

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Some languages can be read by humans, not by machines.

Others can be read by machines but not by humans.

XML solves this problem by being readable to neither.

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**Q**: What do hackers do on a boat?

**A**: Phishing.

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**Q:** What is the most used language in programming?

**A:** Profanity

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**Q:** Why couldn't the HTML list be trusted?

**A:** There were LI's everywhere

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**Q:** To the person who invented zero

**A:** Thank's for nothing

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**Q:** What do you call a bee that lives in America?

**A:** A USB

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**Q:** What did Wonder Woman and Spider-Man name their business?

**A:** Amazon Web Services

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**Q:** What’s a Jedi’s favourite programming language?

**A:** JabbaScript

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**Q:** What do you call a 3.14 meters long snake?

**A:** Python.

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want about to a race conditions hear joke?

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**Q:** What did the .NET developer name their boat?

**A:** Sea Sharp

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**Q:** Why do developers listen to Led Zeppelin when they build APIs?

**A:** To help them RAML on.

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**Q:** What is a Package Managers favorite holiday?

**A:** Dependency Day

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